What is abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical, sexual and emotional abuse are the most common types.
The saddest thing about abuse it that it is most often inflicted by family members. These are people that we rely on and trust. That makes it so much harder. This often breaks our trust in society, as how can we trust strangers when our loved ones can't be trusted to treat us with love and respect.
Emotional Incest
A very common form of abuse is Emotional Incest. In this case the mother or father tries to turn the child against the other parent, by making the child scared of the other parent, or just by constantly breaking the other parent down with nasty words. A milder form of this abuse is when a divorced parent keeps the child away from the other parent, or limits visitation, in order to exert control over the other parent. This may be due to anger towards the other parent, or feelings of inferiority and thus feeling the need to control others. One only has a need to control others when one feels inadequate oneself. It thus boils down to low self-esteem.
What these parents don't realise is that they are actually doing the child more harm than they are doing the other parent. The child feels torn between the two parents, and is often not emotionally ready to handle these emotions. The child often feels rejection and neglect; that they have done something bad to deserve being kept from the other one. Children are highly prone to blaming themselves for what us adults do.
Emotional Abuse
Most emotional abuse is not intentional. It is usually the result of the abuser having low feelings of self-worth. People in this position, often mistakenly think that by breaking down another person, they will feel more superior and thus more worthy. They often find someone close to to use as an emotional punching bag to release their frustration at feeling no control. Unfortunately, this is not true, as they do themselves more damage subconsciously, and sometimes on a conscious level too. Feelings of guilt are very damaging to one's self-worth. Incidents in the abuser's life that have not been dealt with appropriately can trigger off these feelings of low self-worth. It could be the loss of a loved one; or that the victim has suffered the same controlling and emotional abusive treatment by someone else. The abuser feels a sense of not being in control and thus exerts control and emotional abuse on others.
An abuser will never single out a confident, strong-willed person for abuse, unless the person is someone that is reliant on the abuser, or the abuser trusts the person. Confident people talk and fight back and don't tolerate such behaviour over a long term. They are assertive and stand up for themselves. They target people who are passive, submissive and have low self-esteem. In children, this low self-esteem, shows itself in the child not feeling a sense of belonging anywhere. A sense of not knowing who they are and where they belong. Many children become rebellious and run away from home. They sometimes create outrageous images for themselves, such as weird hairstyles, piercings, etc, to create an identity for themselves. These things make them very easy targets for abuse. It is much like shouting out to the world, "I have low self-esteem!"
The abuser singles out people like this and weakens them still further by insulting them; making remarks about them being a losers or a failures. Since the victim is already in a state of negativity towards himself and the world, he or she believes what the abuser says; and levels of self-esteem drop even further. This ensures that the victim, on some level of consciousness, believes that he or she deserves this kind of treatment. The victim thus doesn't tell anyone, as he or she is ashamed of him or herself. The abuser cuts the victim off from family and friends that could possibly make the victim feel good about him or herself again, by turning the victim against these people.
This kind of abuse is most common in relationships between parents and children, siblings and partners/spouses. It is more difficult for the victim to realise that he or she is being abused because they feel that the abuser loves them and wishes for them to be happy.
In a healthy relationship, two people can tell each other what they do and don't like about the each others behaviour in a constructive manner. Eg. I don't like it when you don't offer to help with household tasks. This gives the other person the chance to look at his or her behaviour and maybe compromise to make both parties happy. This is criticising the behaviour, and not the person. It is not healthy when one party calls the other by names, thus criticising the person. Eg. You are a failure, you never do anything right. This just breaks down the person and says nothing of the behaviour. It is therefore abusive.
Emotional abuse makes the victim feel disempowered, emotional, a lack of control, inferior, a failure, rejected, incapable of attaining their dreams, unworthy of love and approval.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is when a child or adult is beaten into submission. This type of abuse doesn't start off with physical beatings. The abuser always chooses someone that he or she thinks is weaker or smaller than him or herself. A child that doesn't have a strong will, or sense of what is right and wrong; children, teenagers and adults that don't have good confidence.
The abuser uses emotional abuse to first break down the victim emotionally. Once the abuser is sure that the victim is broken down, they proceed to physical abuse. They feel safe that the victim will not seek help or leave. Afterall, they have instilled a belief in the victim's mind: "Who would want you, only I am willing to put up with rubbish like you."
Have you ever wondered why women that are beaten badly stay with their partners? Their self-esteem is so low that they think they are not worthy of being treated decently. The abuser often apologises, cries and seems to feel tremendous remorse, and makes the victim think that he or she caused them to treat them in that manner.
This cycle often continues for many years. Sometimes the victim is so badly injured that he or she is hospitalised, but still remains with the abusive partner. Often women are dishonest and say they are being beaten, when in fact they are not. A women that is being beaten by her husband is scared of him and will jump to please him whenever he wants something. She will be very careful of what she says around him for fear of being beaten when they arrive home. This continues until, in some cases, the victim is killed, or the victim finds courage and a life line somewhere.
Children are often too afraid to speak out. The abuser threatens them with more abuse, or the abuse of another loved one. It could be a smaller child, or mother. These children most often start bullying other children at school, to feel some power in a world where they feel powerless. It is a vicious cycle, that often results in abuse of drugs, alcohol and violent treatment of others.
Neglect
This type of abuse is usually to children. Parents withhold food, security, stimulation, and other necessary items from their children. Sometimes in the form of punishment and sometimes due to just not caring. A child that is raised this way often thinks that he or she has done something to deserve this kind of neglect and there is no security or love in the world.
Bullying
Many parents bully their children, by calling them 'babies' if they cry... this usually happens to boys. Very controlling parents can also make their children feel bullied and powerless.
Children who are bullied usually bully other children to release frustration and feel some power over somebody else.
Teachers also sometimes bully children by making fun of them in front of their peers. This kind of bullying makes the child feel worthless.
There are many more types of abuse, but these five are the most commonly used. If you feel you are being abused in any of these forms, please seek immediate support. Even emotional abuse is highly traumatic, and remaining in such a situation will cause more and more harm to you.
A good thing to remember is that every abuser has been abused at some time or other and therefore feels the need to exert control and power over others. This could have been in the form of being bullied. Don't stay by and take it! Do something about it! Talk to someone you can trust!
Please read my other posts that will be helpful in dealing with abuse:
Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem
2 Wolves... Which One To Feed?
How To Change To A Positive Mindset
1 Enemy To Avoid
Please feel free to email me or comment.
Love, light and abundance ♥
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical, sexual and emotional abuse are the most common types.
The saddest thing about abuse it that it is most often inflicted by family members. These are people that we rely on and trust. That makes it so much harder. This often breaks our trust in society, as how can we trust strangers when our loved ones can't be trusted to treat us with love and respect.
Emotional Incest
A very common form of abuse is Emotional Incest. In this case the mother or father tries to turn the child against the other parent, by making the child scared of the other parent, or just by constantly breaking the other parent down with nasty words. A milder form of this abuse is when a divorced parent keeps the child away from the other parent, or limits visitation, in order to exert control over the other parent. This may be due to anger towards the other parent, or feelings of inferiority and thus feeling the need to control others. One only has a need to control others when one feels inadequate oneself. It thus boils down to low self-esteem.
What these parents don't realise is that they are actually doing the child more harm than they are doing the other parent. The child feels torn between the two parents, and is often not emotionally ready to handle these emotions. The child often feels rejection and neglect; that they have done something bad to deserve being kept from the other one. Children are highly prone to blaming themselves for what us adults do.
Emotional Abuse
Most emotional abuse is not intentional. It is usually the result of the abuser having low feelings of self-worth. People in this position, often mistakenly think that by breaking down another person, they will feel more superior and thus more worthy. They often find someone close to to use as an emotional punching bag to release their frustration at feeling no control. Unfortunately, this is not true, as they do themselves more damage subconsciously, and sometimes on a conscious level too. Feelings of guilt are very damaging to one's self-worth. Incidents in the abuser's life that have not been dealt with appropriately can trigger off these feelings of low self-worth. It could be the loss of a loved one; or that the victim has suffered the same controlling and emotional abusive treatment by someone else. The abuser feels a sense of not being in control and thus exerts control and emotional abuse on others.
An abuser will never single out a confident, strong-willed person for abuse, unless the person is someone that is reliant on the abuser, or the abuser trusts the person. Confident people talk and fight back and don't tolerate such behaviour over a long term. They are assertive and stand up for themselves. They target people who are passive, submissive and have low self-esteem. In children, this low self-esteem, shows itself in the child not feeling a sense of belonging anywhere. A sense of not knowing who they are and where they belong. Many children become rebellious and run away from home. They sometimes create outrageous images for themselves, such as weird hairstyles, piercings, etc, to create an identity for themselves. These things make them very easy targets for abuse. It is much like shouting out to the world, "I have low self-esteem!"
The abuser singles out people like this and weakens them still further by insulting them; making remarks about them being a losers or a failures. Since the victim is already in a state of negativity towards himself and the world, he or she believes what the abuser says; and levels of self-esteem drop even further. This ensures that the victim, on some level of consciousness, believes that he or she deserves this kind of treatment. The victim thus doesn't tell anyone, as he or she is ashamed of him or herself. The abuser cuts the victim off from family and friends that could possibly make the victim feel good about him or herself again, by turning the victim against these people.
This kind of abuse is most common in relationships between parents and children, siblings and partners/spouses. It is more difficult for the victim to realise that he or she is being abused because they feel that the abuser loves them and wishes for them to be happy.
In a healthy relationship, two people can tell each other what they do and don't like about the each others behaviour in a constructive manner. Eg. I don't like it when you don't offer to help with household tasks. This gives the other person the chance to look at his or her behaviour and maybe compromise to make both parties happy. This is criticising the behaviour, and not the person. It is not healthy when one party calls the other by names, thus criticising the person. Eg. You are a failure, you never do anything right. This just breaks down the person and says nothing of the behaviour. It is therefore abusive.
Emotional abuse makes the victim feel disempowered, emotional, a lack of control, inferior, a failure, rejected, incapable of attaining their dreams, unworthy of love and approval.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is when a child or adult is beaten into submission. This type of abuse doesn't start off with physical beatings. The abuser always chooses someone that he or she thinks is weaker or smaller than him or herself. A child that doesn't have a strong will, or sense of what is right and wrong; children, teenagers and adults that don't have good confidence.
The abuser uses emotional abuse to first break down the victim emotionally. Once the abuser is sure that the victim is broken down, they proceed to physical abuse. They feel safe that the victim will not seek help or leave. Afterall, they have instilled a belief in the victim's mind: "Who would want you, only I am willing to put up with rubbish like you."
Have you ever wondered why women that are beaten badly stay with their partners? Their self-esteem is so low that they think they are not worthy of being treated decently. The abuser often apologises, cries and seems to feel tremendous remorse, and makes the victim think that he or she caused them to treat them in that manner.
This cycle often continues for many years. Sometimes the victim is so badly injured that he or she is hospitalised, but still remains with the abusive partner. Often women are dishonest and say they are being beaten, when in fact they are not. A women that is being beaten by her husband is scared of him and will jump to please him whenever he wants something. She will be very careful of what she says around him for fear of being beaten when they arrive home. This continues until, in some cases, the victim is killed, or the victim finds courage and a life line somewhere.
Children are often too afraid to speak out. The abuser threatens them with more abuse, or the abuse of another loved one. It could be a smaller child, or mother. These children most often start bullying other children at school, to feel some power in a world where they feel powerless. It is a vicious cycle, that often results in abuse of drugs, alcohol and violent treatment of others.
Neglect
This type of abuse is usually to children. Parents withhold food, security, stimulation, and other necessary items from their children. Sometimes in the form of punishment and sometimes due to just not caring. A child that is raised this way often thinks that he or she has done something to deserve this kind of neglect and there is no security or love in the world.
Bullying
Many parents bully their children, by calling them 'babies' if they cry... this usually happens to boys. Very controlling parents can also make their children feel bullied and powerless.
Children who are bullied usually bully other children to release frustration and feel some power over somebody else.
Teachers also sometimes bully children by making fun of them in front of their peers. This kind of bullying makes the child feel worthless.
There are many more types of abuse, but these five are the most commonly used. If you feel you are being abused in any of these forms, please seek immediate support. Even emotional abuse is highly traumatic, and remaining in such a situation will cause more and more harm to you.
A good thing to remember is that every abuser has been abused at some time or other and therefore feels the need to exert control and power over others. This could have been in the form of being bullied. Don't stay by and take it! Do something about it! Talk to someone you can trust!
Please read my other posts that will be helpful in dealing with abuse:
Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem
2 Wolves... Which One To Feed?
How To Change To A Positive Mindset
1 Enemy To Avoid
Please feel free to email me or comment.
Love, light and abundance ♥
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