ANGER ~ THE GREATEST FEAR

A rather controversial subject that people generally don't want to face... We have been so conditioned to lay blame for everything at other's feet that it is difficult to get past this crutch and reach a state of self-responsibility.  It may seem glum at first, but the benefits far outweigh the little challenges we have to face on this path.

The eye only sees as far as the mind allows.... This is for those who are ready to move on and grow... ready to discover true inner peace and happiness.

"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry."
~ Sir Winston Churchill

"Speak when you are angry ~ and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
~ Dr Laurence J. Peters

"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;  you are the one who gets burnt."
~ Buddha

Why do we become angry?

Somebody may not be doing or saying what we would like them to do or say.  We may not like what they are saying.  It basically boils down to us not getting our way.   Much like spoilt children that want something in a shop and turn blue with anger;  throw themselves on the floor and scream blue murder because they are not getting what they want.  The only difference is that we use ugly words instead of screaming, and we lash out in violence rather than throwing ourselves on the floor.   We are bigger now and stronger...

In losing our tempers we have made a judgement:  "I expect this or that to be done in this or that manner so that I can be happy.  Any other way will cause my displeasure and is thus unacceptable.  IF another person doesn't react the way that I expect them to, I shall become angry, and in this way try to manipulate them into submission."  What most people don't realise is that in thinking and reacting in this manner, they are giving their power away.   They are allowing other people to dictate their emotional state of well being.  They are allowing other's to control them.

"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations."
~ Elliot Larson

Now when we feel that we are not getting our way, we become angry.... Where does this anger really stem from?  Why are we affected in this manner when we don't get our way?

"The angry people are those people who are most afraid."
~ Dr Robert Anthony

Picture this scenario:  You are my boss, and you rely on me to produce work of a good quality so that your business can run smoothly and be successful.  This way you can make enough money to feed your family, pay the rent or mortgage, and cover all your expenses.  Go on holiday, etc.   Therefore you depend on my good work.  It effects the amount of money you make, or don't make.

If my work is not of a high standard, you may lose money;  your business may lose it's good reputation;  you may have to do the work over again (if there is a way to correct it);  you may be running on a deadline.  There are many more reasons that you are dependent on me.  Take a look at the key word 'lose'.  What feeling surfaces when we think of a loss of anything... Fear.  The fear of not having something that we may need or want;  the fear of being less by having less;  the fear of being judged as a failure (not only by other's, but by ourselves);  the fear of not pleasing those close to us.

We have been so conditioned since we were children, to do what other's want us to do, out of fear of getting into trouble.   Fear of having to face someone else's anger.  We are told not to do certain things that may prove dangerous for us, or other's.  We are taught to fear God's wrath if we sin;  to fear being sent to a burning hell if we don't obey.  Our lives are consumed by fear.

Our reaction to this fear is to try to control our circumstances, by becoming angry and manipulating those around us into doing what we want them to do so that we don't have to experience this fear.  This stress and worry.  Which is imagined.   See my post on fear.  Fear is too large a subject to cover in one post and is the root of all negative emotion.

Another scenario:  I tell you that you are stupid.  You become angry and start swearing and shouting at me.  What are you really thinking?  "What a cheek, how can she say I'm stupid!  Who gives her the right to judge me!!  Who does she think she is?  Does she think that she is superior to me?  (Making me inferior).  On a deeper level my judgement of you is causing you to wonder at the truth of this statement, and therefore to judge yourself.  You may ask yourself what you have done to seem stupid in my eyes.  Therein already lies a seed of doubt about yourself, a judgement.

The anger says:  "She is not thinking of me as I would like her to perceive me.  I want to be in control of what she thinks of me.  I don't want her to think I'm stupid."  Once again there is the condition:  If someone does not perceive me as I want them to, I will become angry as a form of manipulation, to try to control what they think of me.  My emotional state of well-being therefore depends on what people think of me... they have control of me.   My fear has weakened me and given my power away.

"He who angers you, conquers you."
~ Elizabeth Kenny

"When there is anger, there is always pain underneath."
~ Eckhart Tolle

"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools."  
~ Albert Einstein

"At the core of all anger is a need not being fulfilled."
~ Marshall B. Rosenberg

"Anger is a killing thing:  it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him."
~ Louis L'Armour

Yes, we all get angry... some more than other's.   That doesn't mean that we have to accept this weakness.  We can start today to become aware of it and take baby steps to beat this greatest of all fears, and take back control of our own lives.

A most important concept to remember is this:  There are basically two states of emotion... Love and Fear.  When you are in a state of love, you are in a state of abundance.  This state of abundance is not a money thing, but means that you feel that there is more than enough love and good around you, and within you.  That you have no reason to fear anything at all!   When you truly believe this, your reality changes to suit your beliefs, and you become more and more abundant.

My articles are intertwined, as all our issues in life are.  Please read my other posts for more clarity.  Especially beneficial to this post is http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/08/fear.html and http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/10/why-do-i-have-violent-events-in-my-life.html

Love, light and abundance ♥

WHY IS DO I HAVE VIOLENT EVENTS IN MY LIFE?

People wonder why their houses are burglared;  why they are hijacked;  how they get into all sorts of violent events... They wonder why God is not protecting them, as he should, and think of the world as an evil place, filled with crime, and bad people.  They curse God, when all the time they are the only one's to blame.

People say that want to live a peaceful existence, but their actions are not peaceful.

Why are they to blame

Nine out of ten people watch movies... not comedies....action movies, full of all sorts of violence and horror.  They give attention to it.  They enjoy it.   They say:  "That is a great movie!"  They talk about it to friends.  The Law of Attraction says:  "You liked that, let me give you more of that..."  So you attract violent circumstances into your life.   Of course the depth of which will depend on the amount of emotion you have put into the movie.  How much attention you have given it.

Most people watch the news with almost all of it being of a negative nature.  Violent killings, protests, fighting.  They then tell their friends what they saw too.... And if something big happens, like the death of Gadaffi, they watch the movie of his death, and then post it to facebook so that everyone else can see it.  They comment on it and give so much attention to it.  The Law of Attraction says:  "Oh you like death and violence.... let's give you some more."  Suffering is suffering.. we are all one.  If another suffers, you will also suffer on some level, because we are all connected.  No matter how bad we may think another is... to wish suffering on someone else or to enjoy it... we attract it to ourselves too.

How many people watch programs like WWE?  They enjoy the fighting.   The worst is that they even allow their children to watch it, and have this violence put into their impressionable minds.   They cheer and think it is great, so the child also thinks it is great, and also want to do it.   Having been an educator, I have seen many children trying out these moves on their friends at school, which has often resulted in a broken arm, etc.  Which could very well be a broken neck the next time.  The Law of Attraction says:  "You enjoy fighting... ok, let's bring some into your life."

Do you belong to groups that focus on suffering of a child, a species of animal?  Do you protest against politicians you think are evil, or events and circumstances that you don't like?  Let's take Julius Malema, for instance... Here in South Africa he is hated by many.   Now to begin with, hate is a very, very strong emotion, and strong emotions cause strong energy to be released.   The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like, so whatever strong energy you release out into the Universe, you receive a similar energy back.  One consciousness means that we are all connected in thought.  If many people give thought to a particular subject or person, we create that thing.  In other words, the more attention people give Julius Malema, the stronger he becomes.  We, who have the power to create.... create people like Julius Malema, by focusing our attention on our fears of people like him.  We then give this person we created attention by talking about them, by becoming angry about their actions, and we give our power away, and make them stronger.  By giving your attention to the suffering of animals and children, you are believing that this is the way life is, and thinking in scarcity.  Scarcity of good people who treat animals and children with love and respect.

Mother Teresa said:  "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations.  I said that I would never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."

~ Mother Teresa

Soapies are the also a great way of attracting more drama into your life.   If you focus on problems, even if they are not your own... that is what you will get.

When we watch all this violence and drama, we think that the Universe is an unsafe, violent place, and that people are evil and bad.  That crime is the order of the day.   We attract what we believe.

"I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance.  People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness and satisfaction.  Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness and greed."

~ Dalai Lama

If you want a life of peace.... live a life of peace.  Remove all violence and drama from your life.  Watch beautiful inspiring movies, comedies.  Believe that we live in a peaceful, safe Universe, and that people are good and kind.   Join groups that focus on peace and abundance.  Believe that animals and children are loved, respected and in abundance.  That you live in an abundant world with more than enough kindness and love.  Enjoy nature and feel the abundance of peace in every flower, every insect, every tree.  Focus on the best there is and that is what your reality will become.  

"The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realise their relationship, their Oneness with the Universe and all it's powers, and when they realise that at the centre of the Universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that this centre is really everywhere, it is within each of us."

~ Black Elk

You will attract good, kind and peaceful people into your life.   If you focus on the good in others, and there is always good in everyone, they tend to live up to that responsibility.

By focusing on the good in people, events and circumstances, you are in alignment with your true nature, with God.  You will experience life as God intended, and life will be beautiful and good.  There is no evil, and there are no devils or monsters.... only what you have created with your beliefs.

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.  Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.  The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storm's their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of autumn."

~ John Muir

This is your world, your reality, you are the creator.... Make it what you wish it to be!

Taking total responsibility for our lives is an enormous task, and means we have to face things we may not want to face, but it is life changing... empowering beyond words... The path to happiness!   Take little steps at a time, and in no time you will be see a difference.  

If you would like to learn more about the Law of Attraction, click on the link below and download and read the book.

http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/newsletter/attraction-download-page.

Please email me if you have questions.  I know I had many when I first learnt about the law of attraction, which prompted me to more and more research... and new questions pop up all the time...

Love, light, peace and abundance! ♥ 

P.S.  'As a man thinketh' is very insightful in understanding these concepts:

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Self-Development/Instructional/As-a-Man-Thinketh/15183

EXPERIENCE VS INSPIRATION

Our beliefs affect the way we perceive life, and our experiences, and the way in which we handle challenges.   (Challenges are called obstacles to the negative person.)

Most of us react on our past experiences that have become beliefs.  When in fact we should be acting on fresh, clean, powerful inspiration.  Very often these past experiences are based on negative events, that caused us emotional pain.

When we act from fresh, clean, powerful inspiration, we bypass past experiences and we focus only on the now, and not the past.  It is much like being a new born baby that has not experienced any hurt or trauma.

You may say this is a bad thing.... as we are so conditioned to thinking that we have made mistakes, when in fact, these are really lessons that were presented to us to learn specific concepts about life.  Many people think that their lesson is the hardship and suffering that they must endure... this is not the lesson, but the result of not learning the lesson.  Not punishment.  Our lessons help us to grow and thus enable us to face bigger challenges with success.  When we do not learn from them, we are not equipped to deal with these lessons and thus suffer unnecessarily.

Therefore, if, for example, your spouse or partner was unfaithful to you... the lesson is NOT to avoid all people of the opposite sex.  Nor is it to mistrust or generalise about all people of the opposite sex.  That would be the same as someone mistrusting you, or generalising you into a box called 'unfaithful' simply because you belong to the opposite gender of that person that has experienced pain at the hands of someone of your gender.

Somehow I don't think you would like so see yourself in that box... Just as other's, just as innocent as yourself, don't either wanted to be labelled.

Any reaction is not from inspiration, but from emotion, or the emotions of past experiences.  How often it is that we react on a situation, feeling angry, hurt or any other negative emotion, only to later regret it and wish that we could pull back our reaction.  Given time, we are better able to calm down, receive inspiration, and act, rather than react.

Have you ever heard somebody say, "I will sleep on it.."?  There is great truth in this... We receive inspiration through intuition, meditation, dreams, angel guides and spirits, among other things.  These divine resources are there for all of us to tap into, we just have to ask, believe and we will be guided.  If you would like the answers to a specific challenge, or inspiration on a specific matter, do the following exercise at night before you sleep:   Say "I will dream about .................., and remember my dream".  Repeat this about 30 times before falling asleep.  It must be the last thing on your mind as you drift off.   You might not remember your dreams straight away, but the more often you do this the more you will remember.   You will get your answers and inspiration.

Dreams guide us and they help us to deal with the issues of daily living, from another state of consciousness.  Much like seeing yourself outside yourself.... from someone else's perpective.  If you are taking anti-depressants, you may not remember your dreams as most anti-depressants suppress your dreams.

We are so accustomed to ignoring our intuition, that most of us seldom hear it.  The best way to open yourself up to your intuition is to believe in it, be aware of it.  Do simple things like guessing who is calling you, or texting you, before answering.  Remember intuition may warn you of danger, but there is a difference between intuition and ego.  If you are having negative feelings, then it could very well be your ego speaking to you.

Your ego is the voice inside your head that tells you that you will fail;  that you are ugly;  or stupid;  or overweight.  The one that tells you to give up;  that all the world is working against you;  that there is scarcity, rather than abundance.  Your ego wants to be in control, and as long as you allow it to, you will not be aware of your true self, your inspiration, your intuition.

Here is a great book about unlocking your intuition:
Unlock Your Intuition

Please feel free to email me, to comment, or to request themes that you would like me to cover.

Love, light and abundance ♥

5 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF-LOVE

"There is a Divine and Infinite potential within every soul, an intimate access to the mind of God and the passion of the Universe."
~ K. Allen Kay

"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being."
~ Hafiz

"To be beautiful means to be yourself.  You don't need to be accepted by others.  You need to accept yourself."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Improving one's self-esteem takes great determination and effort initially, but it gets easier and easier, and before you know it, you will be living the life that you deserve. It is well worth the effort.

"We are each gifted in a unique and important way.  It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light."
~ Mary Dunbar

"When people believe in themselves, they have the first secret of success."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

"Yours is the energy that makes your world.  There are no limitations to the self, except those you believe in."
~ Jane Roberts

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem consists of many concepts of the self, but mainly one's self-respect, self-confidence and self-worth.   It comes from the inner belief of oneself and not the egoistic feeling of superiority.  In fact, we all possess an inferiority complex, some to more of a degree than others, which we try to hide by making ourselves seem superior to others.  This is of the ego, and not of an inner belief.

Self-respect is the respect one shows oneself by having one's needs met.  The ability to assertively say no, when something is not beneficial to us.  Taking care of one's body and mind correctly by exercising, eating correctly, adequate rest, and stimulating the mind, etc.   By not allowing others to use or abuse us.

Self-confidence is the feeling of being content and accepting of the way that one looks and appears to others. This, however, does not depend on what others say or think about one, but rather how one perceives oneself in this reality, irrelevant of compliments or criticism.  Princess Diana was a perfect example of someone with healthy self-confidence.  Possessing good self-confidence does not, however, mean that one has good self-esteem.

Self-worth is a sense of feeling worthy of ones values and beliefs.  If a person has good values and stands up for these values, no matter what, they feel worthy of the beliefs they have about themselves.   To have good values, but to crack under strain, and give in to the beliefs of others is to not feel that ones values and beliefs are worthy.

Healthy self-esteem is a combination of these three, and many more, within the eight different areas of our lives.  The different areas are:  Health; wealth; family and friends;  playtime, hobbies and fun;  relationships;  career or job;  personal space;  contribution/spirituality.

Some people may have great self-esteem within their work life, but struggle in their relationships with others, for example.  The idea is to have a balance of good self-esteem in all the areas.

How do I improve my self-esteem?

Do these exercises consistently and with determination:

• The first thing you need to do is straighten up that body of yours to match the new and confident you. 

Push your shoulders back and down; pull your abdomen and buttocks in. Pull your neck and chin in. 

(Much like those horses that do dressage... have you noticed how regal they look?) Do it now! Feel how important and good you feel about yourself already. Make a determined effort to keep your body straight at all times. If you lapse and forget, no problem, just straighten up again and feel the difference.

Remember, if you look like a ball... people will kick you. If you look like a question mark... people will question everything you say.

• Recognise your negative self-talk monster. 

You know, the one that keeps telling you that you look too fat, or too ugly, or that you will fail at everything you do. Become aware of and write down what he/she says. Immediately change his/her words to a positive affirmation regarding the subject at hand. Eg. You may say 'I am successful at everything I do.' 

(Remember that Thomas Edison went through 10,000 ways to invent the light bulb before he found the one that worked).

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

~ Thomas A. Edison

• Surround yourself with positive people and positive things. 

Read inspirational quotes and affirmations. Watch inspirational videos and attend motivational talks. There is more free material on the the internet than you could ever get through. You may want to join my page on Facebook: 

http://www.facebook.com/LIFEMATTERSPERSONALLIFECOACHING

Spend time in nature. Perceiving the beauty around you helps you to see the beauty within you.

• Make a list of your positive attributes; your achievements; your talents; and even the compliments.

Stand in front of a mirror and read this list aloud, as if you really believe these affirmations to be true. If it feels funny, laugh... It will put you in a positive mindset and help you to attract more positivity into your life. Do this every morning and evening, or more often, if you can.  If it feels like a lie, don't worry... with enough determination and will, it will soon become the truth.

• Make a list of all the things you are grateful for.

(Take into consideration the fact that there are many people who don't have a roof over their heads or even a little food to eat.) Read this list every morning and during the day, whenever you feel stressed or negative.  Being appreciative of the things around us helps us to become more appreciative of ourselves.  

Your results will be determined by the effort you exert and the will to succeed.

Please join my blog and let me know what other subjects you would like me to cover.  Questions and emails are welcome.

         

Love, light and abundance ♥ 

ARE YOU BEING ABUSED OR BULLIED?

What is abuse?

Abuse comes in many forms.  Physical, sexual and emotional abuse are the most common types.

The saddest thing about abuse it that it is most often inflicted by family members.  These are people that we rely on and trust.  That makes it so much harder.  This often breaks our trust in society, as how can we trust strangers when our loved ones can't be trusted to treat us with love and respect.

Emotional Incest

A very common form of abuse is Emotional Incest.  In this case the mother or father tries to turn the child against the other parent, by making the child scared of the other parent, or just by constantly breaking the other parent down with nasty words.  A milder form of this abuse is when a divorced parent keeps the child away from the other parent, or limits visitation, in order to exert control over the other parent.  This may be due to anger towards the other parent, or feelings of inferiority and thus feeling the need to control others.  One only has a need to control others when one feels inadequate oneself.   It thus boils down to low self-esteem.

What these parents don't realise is that they are actually doing the child more harm than they are doing the other parent.  The child feels torn between the two parents, and is often not emotionally ready to handle these emotions.  The child often feels rejection and neglect; that they have done something bad to deserve being kept from the other one.  Children are highly prone to blaming themselves for what us adults do.

Emotional  Abuse

Most emotional abuse is not intentional.   It is usually the result of the abuser having low feelings of self-worth. People in this position, often mistakenly think that by breaking down another person, they will feel more superior and thus more worthy.   They often find someone close to to use as an emotional punching bag to release their frustration at feeling no control. Unfortunately, this is not true, as they do themselves more damage subconsciously, and sometimes on a conscious level too.   Feelings of guilt are very damaging to one's self-worth.   Incidents in the abuser's life that have not been dealt with appropriately can trigger off these feelings of low self-worth.  It could be the loss of a loved one;  or that the victim has suffered the same controlling and emotional abusive treatment by someone else.   The abuser feels a sense of not being in control and thus exerts control and emotional abuse on others.

An abuser will never single out a confident, strong-willed person for abuse, unless the person is someone that is reliant on the abuser, or the abuser trusts the person.   Confident people talk and fight back and don't tolerate such behaviour over a long term.  They are assertive and stand up for themselves.  They target people who are passive, submissive and have low self-esteem.   In children, this low self-esteem, shows itself in the child not feeling a sense of belonging anywhere.   A sense of not knowing who they are and where they belong.   Many children become rebellious and run away from home.  They sometimes create outrageous images for themselves, such as weird hairstyles, piercings, etc, to create an identity for themselves.  These things make them very easy targets for abuse.  It is much like shouting out to the world, "I have low self-esteem!"

The abuser singles out people like this and weakens them still further by insulting them;  making remarks about them being a losers or a failures.  Since the victim is already in a state of negativity towards himself and the world, he or she believes what the abuser says;  and levels of self-esteem drop even further.  This ensures that the victim, on some level of consciousness, believes that he or she deserves this kind of treatment.  The victim thus doesn't tell anyone, as he or she is ashamed of him or herself.  The abuser cuts the victim off from family and friends that could possibly make the victim feel good about him or herself again, by turning the victim against these people.

This kind of abuse is most common in relationships between parents and children, siblings and partners/spouses.  It is more difficult for the victim to realise that he or she is being abused because they feel that the abuser loves them and wishes for them to be happy.

In a healthy relationship, two people can tell each other what they do and don't like about the each others behaviour in a constructive manner.  Eg.  I don't like it when you don't offer to help with household tasks.  This gives the other person the chance to look at his or her behaviour and maybe compromise to make both parties happy.  This is criticising the behaviour, and not the person.  It is not healthy when one party calls the other by names, thus criticising the person.  Eg.  You are a failure, you never do anything right.  This just breaks down the person and says nothing of the behaviour.  It is therefore abusive.

Emotional abuse makes the victim feel disempowered, emotional, a lack of control, inferior, a failure, rejected, incapable of attaining their dreams, unworthy of love and approval.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when a child or adult is beaten into submission.  This type of abuse doesn't start off with physical beatings.  The abuser always chooses someone that he or she thinks is weaker or smaller than him or herself.   A child that doesn't have a strong will, or sense of what is right and wrong;  children, teenagers and adults that don't have good confidence.

The abuser uses emotional abuse to first break down the victim emotionally.  Once the abuser is sure that the victim is broken down, they proceed to physical abuse.   They feel safe that the victim will not seek help or leave.  Afterall, they have instilled a belief in the victim's mind:  "Who would want you, only I am willing to put up with rubbish like you."

Have you ever wondered why women that are beaten badly stay with their partners?   Their self-esteem is so low that they think they are not worthy of being treated decently.  The abuser often apologises, cries and seems to feel tremendous remorse,  and makes the victim think that he or she caused them to treat them in that manner.

This cycle often continues for many years.  Sometimes the victim is so badly injured that he or she is hospitalised, but still remains with the abusive partner.  Often women are dishonest and say they are being beaten, when in fact they are not.  A women that is being beaten by her husband is scared of him and will jump to please him whenever he wants something.  She will be very careful of what she says around him for fear of being beaten when they arrive home.  This continues until, in some cases, the victim is killed, or the victim finds courage and a life line somewhere.

Children are often too afraid to speak out.  The abuser threatens them with more abuse, or the abuse of another loved one.  It could be a smaller child, or mother.  These children most often start bullying other children at school, to feel some power in a world where they feel powerless.   It is a vicious cycle, that often results in abuse of drugs, alcohol and violent treatment of others.

Neglect

This type of abuse is usually to children.  Parents withhold food, security, stimulation, and other necessary items from their children.  Sometimes in the form of punishment and sometimes due to just not caring.  A child that is raised this way often thinks that he or she has done something to deserve this kind of neglect and there is no security or love in the world.

Bullying

Many parents bully their children, by calling them 'babies' if they cry... this usually happens to boys.  Very controlling parents can also make their children feel bullied and powerless.

Children who are bullied usually bully other children to release frustration and feel some power over somebody else.

Teachers also sometimes bully children by making fun of them in front of their peers.  This kind of bullying makes the child feel worthless.

There are many more types of abuse, but these five are the most commonly used.  If you feel you are being abused in any of these forms, please seek immediate support.  Even emotional abuse is highly traumatic, and remaining in such a situation will cause more and more harm to you.

A good thing to remember is that every abuser has been abused at some time or other and therefore feels the need to exert control and power over others.  This could have been in the form of being bullied.  Don't stay by and take it!  Do something about it!  Talk to someone you can trust!

Please read my other posts that will be helpful in dealing with abuse:
Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem
2 Wolves... Which One To Feed?
How To Change To A Positive Mindset
1 Enemy To Avoid

Please feel free to email me or comment.

Love, light and abundance ♥

7 QUALITIES OF A GOOD FRIENDSHIP/INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

What is friendship?

The essence of friendship is the same as in any other type of close relationship.  It requires the same things:  commitment, responsiblity, trust, honesty, forgiveness, courage, respect, sincerity, patience, an open mind and faith.  True friendship is a very rewarding relationship, and necessary for successful romantic relationships.

There is a huge difference between acquaintances and true friends.  We even have specific friends that we only share specific things with.  Maybe you have an action friend that you do things like sports with, or hiking, etc, but you don't share everything with that friend.

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell you what thy art."
~ Miquel de Cervantes

As James Allen says, we attract what we are.  If you have good friends, then you are doing something right.  If you have bad friends, you need to look within yourself to see what it is that is attracting them into your life, and take steps to change that.  If you don't have any true friends, then maybe you have problems committing yourself to any kind of relationship.   You might not have the courage to maintain any kind of relationship with anyone, since all relationships have conflict at some time or another.  If not, we would not be our true selves, but be dancing to the tune of someone else.  We have to communicate what we would like from our friendship, and what we don't like.  To do this we must be able to be honest with the person and trust that they are truly our friends.  Honesty, faith and trust require great courage.  Standing up for yourself and your friends, and thus risking conflict (which nobody likes), requires courage.

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.  Before him I may think aloud."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage.  When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
~  Ralph Waldo Emerson

True friendship is the freedom to be yourself.  To be accepted as you are.  To be able to say what is on your mind without  fear of being rejected.  To be respected for being open and honest.  To be allowed your opinion, even if it is not agreed upon or favoured by the other person.  A good friend might not always agree with you, or think you are doing the right thing, but he or she will accept that you have made the decision that you feel is right for you, respect you and your decision, and support you.

"The only reward of virtue is virtue;  the only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If we cannot love ourselves, we can not love anyone else.   If you cannot respect yourself, you cannot really respect another.  If you cannot accept yourself, you cannot accept others.  Just the same, if we cannot be a good friend to ourselves, we cannot be a good friend to someone else.

"When we seek to discover the best in others,
we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."
~ William Arthur Ward

Commitment and Responsibility

Being a good friend requires commitment.  It means that you are a friend through sunshine and rain.... through good times and bad.   That you are always there, just as you would always like your friend to be there for you.  It is not a one-sided relationship where you only remember your friend when you are in need.  You must  be there for your friends when they are in need of a shoulder too.  Real friends are responsible for being the best kind of friend they can be.   Commitment requires being responsible for your actions and for doing the best you can do.

Honesty and Trust

In friendship, just as in any other relationships, honesty is of utmost importance.  Honesty forms a bond of trust and sharing.  A real friend will always tell the truth and never lie, even if it hurts.  Where dishonesty prevails, there will be no trust.  No relationship can thrive without trust.  Be truthful and trust that your friend will love you no matter what you say or do.   Trust that your friend will help and support you.   If you cannot be honest with your friend then you do not trust your friend.  A friendship cannot be based on this.   You need to be able to trust that your friend has your best interests at heart.  If you take disagreement as a personal insult then you will never be able to forge good relationships, since all relationships have disagreements.  What a boring world this would be if we were all the same and all had the same opinions.  I suggest you learn to love yourself so that you can see that a difference of opinion is healthy.  It helps us to see things from a different perspective than our own, and sometimes shows us things we would not have thought of otherwise.  Please see these posts for assistance in this area:  5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem and How to change to a positive mindset.

Respect

We all have different opinions and beliefs, and we often disagree with other people.  A friend does not have to agree with what you say or do, and may voice his or her opinion.   This is freedom to be an individual, which is a requirement of any relationship.   You must, however, accept that your friend has a right to his or her own opinion, and respect that.   A real friend may not agree with you about a particular aspect, but he or she has the right to tell you so and will support you no matter what you decide, whether he or she likes it or not.  Such a friendship shows unconditional love and acceptance.

Forgiveness

We all have all the tools for perfection within ourselves, but as long as we are here on earth, we have not yet discovered them.  We are presented with lessons to help us discover and use these tools to gain perfection.  We thus all make 'mistakes' and do things we regret, no exception.  Friendship requires forgiveness, when we make these 'mistakes'.  If we learn from them then we are growing, and so our relationships will grow.  If we can't understand that others have a right to make mistakes, then we cannot forgive.   Forgiveness is necessary for maintaining any relationship, and a good friend will not be lost due to a misunderstanding or small conflict.

Listening

Listening is a skill that improves with practice.  We need to be able to listen well and not interrupt.  This shows consideration for our friend.  The friend will feel that they are important enough to deserve your full attention.  This strengthens the bond between you and your friend.

Encouragement

We all go through periods that we feel down, depressed and lacking motivation.  A good friend will go out of their way to encourage you to do things that make you feel better.   A good friend will want you to feel better, and although he or she shows you sympathy, he or she will not feel so sorry for you that you feel more self-piteous.  Helping someone deeper into the self-pity pit is not in their best interests, and thus not a good friendship trait.  Sometimes what we really need is someone to wake us up from this self-defeating behaviour.

Fun

A good friend is not only for the bad times... Good friends share the good times too.   They do things together and laugh together.   They have fun together.  Remember that laughter is the best medicine.  Good friends can be themselves totally without feeling silly.   Good friends do silly, crazy things together, and love it.

A true friend will always possess these seven characteristics and often more.  If you want to have good friends, you must be a good friend by having these qualities.  Get to work on these qualities because they will enrich all your relationships and therefore your life.

Please feel free to comment or email me.

Love, light and abundance ♥

This blog is a dedication to my two best friends who are the best friends anyone could ever have.  I am eternally grateful for their wonderful friendship.

1 ENEMY TO AVOID

Is self-pity crippling you?  Self-pity is probably one of the most controversial subjects to deal with, but it is vitally necessary.  People don't want to admit to being self-piteous, but unfortunately we all suffer from it, to different degrees, at some stage or another.  Reading about it can help you to become aware of it, and you can thus take steps to gain control of it.

The self-pity pit must be the absolute worst place for anyone to be, yet it is much easier to stay there than it is to crawl out of it.  The great thing is that once you have crawled out of it, it becomes easier the next time round.  You feel more empowered, and eventually you might only tip your big toe into the pit before becoming aware of it and stopping yourself.

"What poison is to food, self-pity is to life."
~ Oliver C. Wilson

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do any wise in this world."
~ Helen Keller
(Helen Keller was born blind, deaf and dumb, but overcame all these obstacles with her positive attitude and started the first school for the blind, deaf and dumb. She could never have achieved her goals if she had just sat around feeling sorry for herself.)

"Self-pity is one of the most dangerous forms of self-centredness.  It fogs our vision."
~ Anonymous

"Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love.
It is reached when a man deliberately
turns his back on all help from anyone else
in order to taste the rotten luxury
of knowing himself to be lost."
~ Thomas Morton

"Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection,
a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you
because you have chosen to sink."
~ Elizabeth Elliot

I have personally experienced the deepest depths of that self-pity pit.  I spent most of my  life there.  It just seemed easier, but it brought me even more misery.

The story I tell today is very different, but this was my story:

I was sexually abused from the age of four until I was about seven.  (I didn't tell anyone until I was seventeen years old.)  By six years of age, it was time to go to school.  School was far away, so that meant attending boarding school and only going home for holidays, which meant three times a year.  At boarding school there are no mothers to nurture one.  I quickly learnt to adapt or die.

I grew up thinking of myself as dirty and soiled, deserving of abuse, thinking that everyone else also saw me that way.  I felt horribly sorry for myself.  Fortunately nobody else felt sorry for me, or it could have been worse.

With my extremely low self-esteem, I approached my teenage years with rebellion and tried to fit in with the children that were the same.  Those lost souls with no direction, but yearning for acceptance anywhere they could get it.

My father was a very strict and principled man, and wanted the best for us.  He was prepared to do whatever it took to make us into valuable, successful adults and to protect us from drugs, alcohol and the other evils of the world.  I hated him at that time, but when I was seventeen, I thanked him for the great effort he had made, rather than taking the easy way and allowing us to do what we wanted to do, right or wrong.  This was my first lesson pertaining to the phrase, "you have to be cruel, to be kind".

By sixteen we had moved to the coast, and I went to a new school.   The history teacher once said to me that I have immense potential, and that I was hiding it from the world.  Simple as this seems... this was all the faith I needed to get into action and turn my life around.  I started working harder and reaping the rewards.

My music teacher often told me that I must stop being a mat and allowing people to walk over me.  She was the person that helped me lay the foundation to becoming assertive.  It took many years, but she made me realise that I had the courage to do it.

I spent the next ten years being controlled by others and enduring emotional abuse.  I had no direction, just did what I could to maintain peace and to make everyone else around me happy.  Struggling with my inner battles and feeling sorry for myself.  Due to the strong values I was raised with, I did not allow it to push me totally into the ground.

I lost my brother that was four years older than me, and ten years later my mother.

After many years spent in the self-pity pit, I one day realised that it really wasn't helping me at all.  I decided to find a solution.  I read all I could about psychology, in the hope of finding something that would help me to heal and take control of my life.   Nothing helped.

I came upon a book that my father had given me when I was a rebellious teenager, 'The power of positive thinking' by Norman Vincent Peale.   I started reading it.   I found quotes in my diary and started to read them whenever I felt self-piteous.  They allowed me to find the courage and strength I had within.  The self-pity pit became a less frequently visited place for me.  The time that I visited became shorter and shorter.

I started taking control of my life four years ago when I learnt about the law of attraction.  I realised that everything that had happened to me, I had, in some way or another, attracted into my life.  Today I take full responsibility for all that comes into my life.  I look for the lesson and learn from it.  I have never been happier in my entire life, and I continue to become happier every day.

I can do things I never thought possible before.  I have discovered many, many of the talents I possess and continue to grow emotionally and spiritually.  I am doing what I love to do and creating the life of my dreams.  If I can do it, so can you!

Self-pity is a negative emotion and therefore attracts more negative circumstances into one's life.   The first step is to become aware of it.  Much like an alcoholic must realise he or she has a drinking problem, before he or she can do anything about it.  The second step is to be determined to stop yourself and then to do something about it.

A great thing to do is to think about how you benefit from being self-piteous.  People may feel sorry for you and give you sympathy... Does that make you feel empowered, or weak?  Think about what you can do to improve your circumstances, take action.  Once you have done this you will feel empowered that you have overcome one or two, or more obstacles, and you will gain confidence each time.

It helps immensely to look around and notice other people's lives.  They are often so much worse off than we are.  This makes one realise how fortunate one is.   One my favourite quotes was about us all laying our problems down on piles next to each other and then choosing which pile we would like to take.  Most people choose their own pile.  I think it was one of Sir Winston Churchill's quotes.  Doing community service is very beneficial.  It makes you realise how fortunate you are compared to others.  Say thank you, thank you, thank you.

Please feel free to comment or to email me.

My posts are interrelated as are almost all life matters, so please be sure to read all my posts to receive maximum benefit.

Love, light and abundance ♥

FEAR

What is fear?

An unpleasant, strong emotion that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
It is not real, it is imagined.  Fear is a debilitating emotion.  If someone is holding a gun to your head, you experience fear, you imagine that that person is going to kill you.  It could very well turn out that he is too fearful to kill you, but you automatically imagine the worst.

"There would be no one to frighten if you refused to be afraid."
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyses needed efforts to 
convert retreat into advance."
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Fear is felt by others too, and causes a reaction.  Think of dogs.  It is as if they smell your fear, and react on it, and attack you.  Remember that fear is a negative emotion and thus emits negative vibrations to those around you. They thus feel this vibration or energy and send back negative energy.  This makes your fear even stronger and stronger and stronger.  If you are not afraid, but in a state of  love, in positivity, other's will react to this and send positive energy back.   Like when you smile at someone... most often they will smile back.  Unless they themselves are in a very dark and negative place... in which case they will not even notice the smile.  That dark place is too dark to see anything, but what is going on in THEIR imagination.

"For as children tremble and fear everything in the blind darkness,
so we in the light sometimes fear what is no more to be feared than the things children in the dark hold in terror and imagine will come true."
~ Titus Lucretius Carus

Politicians and people in power use fear to manipulate people into following them all the time, knowing what power fear has.   I received a text a few months back from someone I know.  They had been watching television and had heard that black people were going to kill as many white people in South Africa as possible, on Freedom Day.  A politician had used this to gain favour by promising protection if people joined his party and texted others to join too.  My immediate thought, when I received the text, was to keep my children safely indoors for that day.  The fear had been instilled.  I thought about it and realised that I was allowing fear to control me, as this person had, by texting me.  No, I was not prepared to send out that text to anyone and told the person so.  How many people sent out that text?  Probably millions...  They allowed fear to rule them... They may even have taken steps to protect themselves from this danger, and in doing so, they sent out negative energy and would have received it back in one form or another.  Freedom Day came and went and nothing happened!

"Fear is the little darkroom where negatives are developed."
~ Michael Pritchard

The more we fear, the more we adopt a negative mindset, and fear more, and more.  Eventually fear controls us and we are no longer in control of our own peace of mind and happiness.

"The greatest obstacle to love is fear.
It has been the source of all defects 
in human behaviour
throughout the ages."
~ Mahmoud Mohammed Taha

I call it the GREAT WALL OF CHINA!  It is the wall of self-preservation that people put up to prevent being hurt by other's.   They have been hurt in the past by someone that they loved and are afraid to be hurt again.  They put this wall up to protect themselves.  Some experience love for a while, but fear creeps in by a word, an action, or circumstance they find themselves in, and the Great Wall of China comes up.  The strength of this wall depends on the strength of the fear, as is often so great that the person can't see past the fear to experience this great love and happiness.  This wall causes the person who has build it to be emotionless, cold and callous, where there once was warmth and love.  If the fear is not too great, the person experiencing it will overcome it and find the love and happiness that was there.   The only person that can get past this wall of fear is the person that is living it.

I have spent many hours wondering why someone can love you one minute, be warm and loving, only to hate you the next moment, and to be cold and callous.  Fear is the answer, for love does not just disappear into thin air.  It is replaced by fear when the fear overpowers the person's life.  Once the previously loved one has disappeared from the situation, the fear evaporates to leave the person empty and alone.  To once again live with the fear, rather than overcoming it.  There is a sort of relief in not having to face the fear.

Had the fear been faced and overcome, the person experiencing it would have felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment and confidence.   A new strength to live from.  This allows people to conquer more and more fears, until a state of love is reached.  Goals and dreams can be made, and reached, for fear is the only thing that keeps us back from the happy lives we are worthy of, and so rightly deserve.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past
I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
~ Frank Herbert

"Fear is a tyrant, a despot,
more terrible than the rack,
more potent than the snake."
~ Edgar Wallace

"What we fear comes to pass more speedily than we hope."
~ Publilius Syrus

Remember that whether you believe it or not, the Law of Attraction is always working.  Our thoughts and emotions attract circumstances that will bring us back similar emotions.  Do you want to be fearful and unhappy, or do you want to have the courage to conquer that fear, and be happy, at peace, and confident?  We always always have a choice, whether we believe it or not.

In this life we are presented with lessons.  These lessons are for us to learn from and become stronger and more enlightened.  If we do not learn the lesson, it is presented to us again and again, in different forms, and often more difficult each time, so that we cannot ignore it.   If you are faced with great fears, it could be that you haven't been learning your lesson and it is making your life worse and worse.  Is that what you want?

You can only be your true inner self and live from inspiration if you are without fear.  You won't see anything when it has passed because it was never real.... only a figment of your imagination.  You experience great inner strength and confidence every time you conquer a fear.  Go ahead, give it a go!  You have more strength and courage than you realise.

"Courage is not the lack of fear,
but the ability to face it."
~ John B. Putnam Jr.

If you analyse fear, you will see that fear is the basis of all the negative emotions like anger, dislike, impatience, intolerance, resentment, hatred, worry, doubt and many more.  When you get angry about something, it is because you are fearful that it won't be as you want it to be.  You may fear being in trouble for work not correctly done.  When you dislike someone, it is a fear of something inside that person that doesn't resonate with you.  The fear that that person may betray or hurt you.

More and more scientists and doctors have come to the realization that all disease is psychosomatic... of the mind.  The cause of all disease, or  dis-ease, is fear.  Let go of the fear and you let go of disease.

Affirmation for conquering fear

I am releasing all fears and doubts, 
for I am understanding that they only keep me
from living life to the fullest.

Say this affirmation as often as possible until it becomes a belief.

Most of our life matters are interrelated, so please read my other blogs to get a better understanding of life in general.

Please feel free to comment or to email me for more information.

Love, light and much courage! ♥

11 RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time round.  Does it serve you to love it or to hate it?

"To be beautiful means to be yourself.  You don't need to be accepted by others.  You need to accept yourself."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full time informal school called Life.  Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons.  You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.  Isn't it better to accept and love them as part of life, and learn from them,  than to become bitter about them?

"It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail."
~ Lech Walesa

There are no mistakes, only lessons.
There is a process of trial and error;  experimentation.  The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works.  By trial and error, you get one step closer to success.  Is there success in giving up?

"I didn't fail ten thousand times. I successfully eliminated ten thousand  times, materials and combinations which wouldn't work."
~ Thomas Edison (Inventor of the light bulb)

A lesson is repeated until it is learnt.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learnt it.  When you have learnt it, you can go on to the next lesson.  These lessons tend to get more and more difficult.  Remember, what you resist, persists.  Isn't it better and easier to just learn the lesson and move on to the next one?

"What you resist persists."
~ Carl Jung

Learning Lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons.  If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt.  These lessons help us to build character and to become stronger.  This serves us for the next lesson.

"Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there."
~ John Wooden

'There' is no better than 'here'.
When your 'there' has become a 'here', you will simply obtain another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.   Any challenges and issues that you face where you are at any given moment, will follow you wherever you go.  There is no running from your life or lessons.  The grass is never greener on the other side.

"You can't run away from trouble.  There ain't no place that far."
~ Uncle Remus

Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.  This is easy to understand when you look at your friends.  They have qualities you value about yourself.  That's what you love about them.   That is what attracted them to you in the first place.  Now look at the qualities you hate in someone.  I know it is hard to accept, but those qualities exist in you, at some level.  These people come into our lives because we have attracted them by having the same qualities as them.

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves;  they therefore remain bound."
~ James Allen

What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need.  What you do with them is up to you.  The choice is yours.  When you approach life and it's challenges from a positive state of mind, they tend to be but little mole heaps. When you approach life and it's challenges from a negative state of mind, they tend to be huge mountains that are impossible to cross.

"Man is made, or unmade by himself.  By the right choice he ascends.  As a being of power, intelligence and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation."
~ James Allen

Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life's questions lie inside you.  All you need to do is look, listen and trust.  We arrive on earth in possession of every tool that we need to have an abundant and joyful life.  So often we are so bogged down with what is happening on the outside that we fail to see what we have on the inside.  You would be overwhelmed at the talents, powers and strengths you possess, if you would only focus on what is within and not what is without.  It is time to believe in your greatness, and it will come to you.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are of little importance compared to what lies within us."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You will forget all this.

You can remember it whenever you want.


Your comments and questions are always welcome!

Love, light and abundance to you on your journey.

WHAT DOES YOUR WORD REALLY MEAN?

We can learn so much about life from fairy tales and stories.

Some of you may know the story of 'Peter and the wolf', but for those of you who don't, I will relate the basic story.

Peter and the Wolf

Peter was a shepherd boy and looked after the sheep in the mountains above the village.  His job was to keep the sheep safe from predators, such as wolves.

One day, Peter was bored, and in need of some excitement.  He thought it would be very funny to trick the villagers.

Peter stood at the top of the mountain, and yelled, "Help! Help! There is a wolf among my sheep!"

The villagers left their work, grabbed pitch forks, spades and anything they could use as weapons, and rushed up the mountain side to chase the wolf away.

All that they found there, was Peter having a good laugh.  They walked back down the mountain, in disgust, at Peter lying to them.

The next day, Peter was once again bored, and did the exact same thing.  The villagers were a little hesitant, but grabbed their weapons and dashed up the mountain side once more.  Perhaps with a little less fervour.

They were notably angry with Peter when they realised that he had lied and once more tricked them.  They walked back to the village cursing him all the way.

On the third day, Peter noticed a wolf near his sheep and ran to the edge of the mountain and shouted, "Help! Help! Wolf! Wolf!"  He shouted and shouted, but nobody came to help and the wolf ate as many sheep as he could.

The villagers had had enough of Peter's tricks and lies, and didn't believe him anymore.

                                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What lesson is there to be learnt from this story?
What does it mean to you when somebody tells you that they are going to do something, and they don't do that thing?
How do you feel?
What if somebody does this several times?
Don't you trust them less every time?
Don't you think that they are digging their own grave of deceit?
Don't you think they have weakened the power of their words?
Can a relationship/friendship/partnership be based on a lack of trust?
Don't you think you deserve honesty?
Don't you think they are being irresponsible?
Don't you think they are being inconsiderate and disrespectful?

Quotes

"When man takes an oath... he's holding his own self in his own hands.  Like water.  And if he opens his fingers ~ he needn't hope to find himself again."
~ Robert Bolt

"Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once, they diminish day by day."
~ German Proverb

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me the truth."
~ Henry D. Thoreau

"Honesty has a beautiful and refreshing simplicity about it.
No ulterior motives.  No hidden meanings.
An absence of hypocrisy, duplicity, political games, and verbal superficiality.
As honest and real integrity characterise our lives,
there will be no need to manipulate others."
~ Chuck Swindoll

"To be persuasive, we must be believable;
To be believable, we must be credible;
Credible we must be truthful."
~ Edward R. Murrow

"Losers make promise they often break.
Winners make commitments they always keep."
~ Denis Waitley

"For every promise, there is a price to pay."
~ Jim Rohn


When we give our word to do something, and we don't go through with it, it makes us feel like a failure.  This may be on a conscious or subconscious level, but the result is always failure.

When we give our word to do something, and we go through with it, we feel empowered, confident and successful.  By committing ourselves to something we have said we would do, we honour ourselves and tell ourselves that we are worthy.

Think very carefully before you give your word about anything, there will be a price to pay.  The price may be that other's won't trust you and may doubt your integrity, or that you may feel worthless.  Are you willing to pay that price?  Never start something you don't intend to finish.

Start NOW to be the person you want to be!

Please let me know your thoughts on this topic, and any other topics you would like me to cover.  Your input is of great value to me.

Love, light and abundance!

LOVE ~ WHAT IS IT REALLY?

"Love all of God's creation,
the whole of it, and every grain of sand.
Love every leaf,
Every ray of God's light.
Love the animals, love the plants,
Love everything.
If you love everything,
You will soon perceive the divine mystery in things.
Once you perceive it,
You will begin to comprehend it better every day.
And you will come at last to love the whole world
with an all-embracing love."
~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
~ Anthony de Mello

Love is a verb!  It is something we choose to do, or not do.  We express it in the actions we take.  The feeling of love springs from positive thought and has a power to put us into action.

"When the power of love
overcomes the love of power,
The world will know peace."
~ Jimi Hendrix

When we are positive we perceive the beauty and goodness around us.  There is no love in a negative mind, only need, suffering and evil.  The need for acceptance and approval of others exceeds their need for authenticity... they don't think they are worthy of happiness.

When one mentions the word 'love', the first thing that people think of is romantic love... Yes, romantic love is very much a part of who we are, but self-love is the most important of all, for without it we mean nothing to ourselves, and thus to others.  Platonic love is the next stage of love.  Afterall, there are many more people that we should love platonicly... the whole universe, every animal, every plant and rock.  This platonic love affects our daily lives, our work, our play, our well-being.  When we feel this abundance of love for all things and beings, we receive the same love back...  True romantic love can only be achieved through self-love firstly, and then love of all things and beings... In this kind of love, we are not dependent or needy... we share what we have... we give.  By giving, we experience the miracle of receiving...

Have you ever looked at couples that are truly happy.  Are they living in a positive mindset or a negative mindset?  Take a good look and you will see that their basic foundation of their relationship is build on positivity.  Yes, they will step into a negative mindset every now and then, but because they have a solid positive foundation, they are able to quickly remove negativity without any lasting effects and keep on loving each other, no matter what.

"Unconditional love:
Freedom and love go together.
Love is not a reaction.
If I love you because you love me,
that is mere trade, 
a thing to be bought in the market;
it is not love.
To love is not to ask anything in return,
not even to feel that you are giving something
~ and it is only such love that can know freedom."
~ Jiddu Krisnamurti

We are told to love our neighbours, but how can we love our neighbours, or anyone else, if we can't  love ourselves?  Where will we get the love from, to give away, if we don't possess it?  We can only give away things that we already possess.  It is really like beggars begging from each other, as Osho so aptly puts it.  Loving ourselves means we are positive about ourselves, and if we are positive about ourselves, then we are positive about the people and the world around us.  We feel worthy of the achievement of our goals and strive for them with vigour.

Do you want to create more love in your life?

Do this little exercise that I started about a year ago.   Next time you go shopping, smile at everyone that you see.... even the ugliest, oldest, fattest, nastiest-looking people.  Ninety five percent of the people you smile at will smile back at you.  You will feel a remarkable difference in yourself and the world around you.  Later you won't even notice that you are smiling, and you will have all these people smiling at you and spreading love.   Remember love is a verb.  Do it!  

Read my blog '5 Ways to improve your self-esteem'
http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem.html

"Love makes the world less worldly, less dense, more transparent to the divine dimension, the light of consciousness itself." 
~ Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth)

Become selfish!  Yes, you read correctly... selfish.   Selfishness is a word that has been condemned by society, but it is really a beautiful word.  Just be yourself, your true inherent self... be love.  Self-centredness is is not a love of oneself, but rather a vanity.  Vanity is the lack of self-love... the seeking of acceptance and approval by means of our outer exterior and world, because we hold no value of inner love.  Don't consider anyone else but yourself.  In doing so, you will have considered the whole world.  By loving yourself you will be giving the whole world love, and everyone in it.  When you love yourself first, you cannot help to love others.  There is a huge difference between loving yourself  and sacrificing yourself.  There is no love in sacrifice, only fear.   Fear of not being good enough.... fear of  not being approved of... fear of not being loved.  You will be giving the world your full potential, your best.  What good is your worst to anyone?

"The majority of us lead quiet,
unheralded lives as we pass through this world.
There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us,
no monuments in our honour.
But that does not lessen our possible impact,
for there are scores of people waiting for
someone just like us to come along;
people who will appreciate our compassion,
our unique talents.
Someone who will live a happier live merely because
we took the time to share what we had to give.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have a potential to turn a life around.
It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities
there are to make our love felt."
~ Leo Buscaglia

                                                    ~~♥~~~♥~~
"That which you are,
your true self,
you love it,
and whatever you do,
you do for your own happiness.
To find it, to know it,
to cherish it is your basic urge.
Since time immemorial you loved yourself,
but never wisely.
Use your body and mind wisely in the service of the self,
that is all.
Be true to your own self,
love yourself absolutely.
Do not pretend that you love others as yourself.
Unless you have realised them as one with yourself,
You cannot love them.
Don't pretend to be what you are not,
don't refuse to be what you are.
Your love of others is the result of self-knowledge,
not it's cause.
Without self-realisation,
no virtue is genuine.
When you know beyond all doubting,
that the same life flows through all that is
and you are that life,
you will love all naturally and spontaneously.
When you realise the depth and fullness of yourself,
you know that every living being
and the entire universe are included in your affection.
But when you look at anything as separate from you,
you cannot love it for you are afraid of it.
Alienation causes fear and fear deepens alienation.
It is a vicious circle.
Only self-realisation can break it.
Go for it resolutely!"
~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Please leave a comment or email me your thoughts or suggestions for topics to cover.

Love, light and abundance ♥ 

HOW TO ADOPT A POSITIVE MINDSET

Positive or negative thinking can make or break our lives.

The Law of Attraction is a law by which we are all governed, whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not.  The law states that like attracts like, that positive or negative thinking brings about positive or negative results.

We have a thought, and it causes a feeling, and we then act on that feeling.   Strong emotions send out either positive or negative vibrations (energy), depending which emotions we are experiencing.  By acting on that feeling, we become what we are and thus attract what we are.  We are what we think!

How often we say we need to think about something.  This usually happens when we are faced with negative issues or thoughts.  Think about it...hehe... what will the results of these negative thoughts be?  Remember that negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts.  How can the results possibly be positive?  When we are in a positive mindset then there is no place for thoughts.  We live from inspiration, and in the NOW.  We feel good;  we think good;  we do good, with no thought to obstacles and barriers.

James Allen is one of my greatest teachers and his books have helped me to understand so much more about life and how to be truly happy.  Here are some of his quotes:

"A man is literally what he thinks"

"A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life."

"All that you accomplish or fail to accomplish with your life is the direct result of your thoughts."

"As in the rankest soil the most beautiful flowers are grown, so in the dark soil of poverty the choicest flowers of humanity have developed and bloomed."

"He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little;  he who would achieve much must sacrifice much;  he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly."

"Man is made or unmade by himself.  By the right choice he ascends.  As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation."

David Bohm said: "Thought runs you.  Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls thought.  Whereas actually thought is the one which controls each one of us."

How often do we choose to think the worst possible scenario in any situation?  Look at this example:  Your partner is very quiet and not giving you much attention.   What is the first thing you think?  He or she is upset with me.... What have I done?  He or she doesn't love me anymore... I think you get the drift... But have you ever stopped to think that maybe your partner is really busy;  or that he or she isn't feeling well;  or that something else has caused their change in attitude, other than you?  Have you ever stopped to think that your partner may see you as the only positivity in his or her life at that moment?

So how do we become more positive?

Your emotional guidance system

There are really only two emotions.  Positive emotions and negative emotions.  They are our guidance system,  and by becoming aware of them we can stop ourselves and change to a more positive feeling.   Good feelings make us feel good and bad feelings make us feel bad.  How do you feel right now?

There are many, many emotions, but here are a few to give you the idea:

Positive Emotions
Love
Appreciation
Ambition
Courage
Capability
Certainty
Confidence
Enthusiasm
Peace
Tranquility
Worthiness

Negative Emotions
Shame
Controlled
Criticised
Discouragement
Confusion
Complaining
Sceptical
Rejection
Judged
Lonely
Powerless
Resentment

Get into a state of appreciation

We can do this in many ways.

Spending time in nature and shutting ourselves off to everything but the beauty around us and the sound of birds singing, waves breaking, water trickling, or wind rustling in the trees, has a soothing effect on the soul, and is sure to put a smile on one's face.

Taking a good look around us to see what we have, and often what many other's don't have, helps us to realise how fortunate we are.  Even if it is just the clothes on our backs, or the roof over our head, or the eyes to read this.  Saying 'thank you, thank you, thank you', brings many things to mind that we can be grateful for.
Make a list of all the things you are grateful for and read it as often as possible.  Say thank you during the day when you begin to feel negativity setting in.

Be Thankful For...

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. 
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown

Surround yourself with positive people

Negative people give off negative energy and make us feel drained.  They talk about negative events or gossip about other people.  They see obstacles and barriers all around them.  They are poor role models, since they are too negative to pursue their dreams.  What is worse is that they make us believe that our dreams can never come true.

Motivate yourself

Listen to music that makes you feel good.
Watch motivational videos. (There are many, many available, for free)
Read books that make you feel inspired.  (The internet is filled with free ebooks for self-development)
Listen to motivational mp3's.  (There are many available for free)
Watch comedies.  Refrain from watching the news or movies that make you feel sad or afraid.

Use affirmations to change your negative beliefs

We all have negative beliefs about different things, consciously and unconsciously.  These affect how we approach life.  Positive affirmations assist us in changing our beliefs from limiting beliefs to beliefs that serve us.

Affirmations should be repeated as often as possible to become a lasting belief.

Here are some affirmations that will give you a headstart until you make your own, according to your own personal dreams and goals:

I feel positive and I am moving in the direction of success.
New opportunities are showing up daily and my positive mindset allows me to take advantage of them.
I feel alive and ready to take on the world with love and  zest.
I can be, do, and have anything I set my mind to.
I am raising my energy levels to new heights.

The time is NOW.  Tackle those dreams, and let me know how you are doing.

For a free audio of 'As a man thinketh' by James Allen:
http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Self-Development/Instructional/As-a-Man-Thinketh/15183

For an awesome free audio course in positivity:  http://www.trans4mind.com/positive/