1 June 2012

FORGIVENESS

FORGIVE YOURSELF INTO GREATNESS

Are you your best friend... or your greatest enemy?

Forgiveness is a rebirth of hope,
a reorganisation of thought,
and a reconstruction of dreams.
Once forgiving begins,
dreams can be rebuilt.
When forgiving is complete,
meaning has been extracted
from the worst of experiences
and used to create a new set of moral rules
and a new interpretation of life's events.
~ Beverley Flanigan



Forgiving oneself is the most difficult type of forgiving.  We are often harder on ourselves than on others.  We beat ourselves up for not being perfect.  For making mistakes... for not knowing better, and sometimes for knowing better, but still going ahead with the action in question.

When we feel hurt, rejection, frustration and pain, we often lash out in anger and say and do things that we wouldn't usually say or do.  We are blinded by our anger.  It is like having blinders on... all we see is what is directly before us and we don't like it.  We don't think straight.  We react in the moment, instead of taking the time to gather ourselves.  Regret comes once we have calmed down and realised what we have done, and the consequences of our actions.  However, it is too late... what is done is done, and cannot be undone. 

In a way, forgiving is only for the brave.
It is for those people who are willing to confront their pain,
accept themselves as permanently changed,
and make difficult choices.
Countless individuals are satisfied to go on resenting
and hating people who wrong them.
Forgivers, on the other hand,
are not content to be stuck in a quagmire.
They reject the possibility that the rest of their lives
will be determined by the unjust and injurious acts
of another person.
~ Gordon Dalbey

How does it serve us to beat ourselves up about what cannot be undone?  Does it benefit us in any way?   What good then is regret?

Regret is just something that puts limits on us... that stops us from reaching our full potential... from connecting with our inner power.  It stunts our emotional and spiritual growth, and keeps us from the freedom we are worthy of.... the freedom we so rightly deserve.

You don't have to know how to forgive... you just need to be willing to forgive.  You don't have to tell those you forgive that you have forgiven them.  Your forgiving is a private matter between you and your ego.  It is a burden that you carry, so there is no need to tell people you have forgiven them.  However, if you feel the need to do so... there is no reason for you not to do so.  Remember, though, not to expect others to be as forgiving as you are.  If they are not, don't permit that to bother you.  We are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and experience we have.  People don't often learn by being told, but by example, and by living through the lessons, when they are ready... in their own sweet time.

"All the years you have waited for them to 
'make it up to you'
and all the energy you have expended 
trying to make them change
(or make them pay)
kept the old wounds from healing
and gave pain from the past free reign
to shape, and even damage your life.
And still, they may not have changed.
Nothing you have done has made them change.
Indeed, they may never change.
Inner peace is found by changing yourself,
not the people who hurt you.
And you change for yourself,
for the joy, serenity, peace of mind,
understanding, compassion, laughter,
and bright future that you get."

~ Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiving someone for something does not mean that you have to tolerate their behaviour towards you.  We all have the right to choose how we are treated.  We also have the right and obligation towards ourselves to see things from an objective point of view.  Remember that another person's behaviour towards you has nothing to do with you.  It is not because of you that they behave as they do.  They are behaving according to their beliefs about themselves and about life... their own issues.  We always have the choice to be offended, or not.  Being offended means that we feel judged... and herein lies judgement of ourselves. 

We have the choice of whether to ignore something... or to react.  Reaction is based on strong emotions... in this case, strong negative emotions.  Whereas, if we take the time to calm down and put ourselves outside of the situation, we receive guidance from a higher power.  We then act from inspiration, rather than emotion, or past experience.

Everyone that is in our lives is here for a reason... even those we see as petty tyrants.  They are here to teach us something about ourselves.  The people in our lives are but reflections of the things we feel about ourselves.  What we hate or dislike in another is the mirror image of something we hate or dislike about ourselves.  We need to look inward and find what feelings of unworthiness we have about ourselves, and heal these by learning better self-love.

Blessings of love on your journey of forgiveness ♥



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