What is friendship?
The essence of friendship is the same as in any other type of close relationship. It requires the same things: commitment, responsiblity, trust, honesty, forgiveness, courage, respect, sincerity, patience, an open mind and faith. True friendship is a very rewarding relationship, and necessary for successful romantic relationships.
There is a huge difference between acquaintances and true friends. We even have specific friends that we only share specific things with. Maybe you have an action friend that you do things like sports with, or hiking, etc, but you don't share everything with that friend.
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell you what thy art."
~ Miquel de Cervantes
As James Allen says, we attract what we are. If you have good friends, then you are doing something right. If you have bad friends, you need to look within yourself to see what it is that is attracting them into your life, and take steps to change that. If you don't have any true friends, then maybe you have problems committing yourself to any kind of relationship. You might not have the courage to maintain any kind of relationship with anyone, since all relationships have conflict at some time or another. If not, we would not be our true selves, but be dancing to the tune of someone else. We have to communicate what we would like from our friendship, and what we don't like. To do this we must be able to be honest with the person and trust that they are truly our friends. Honesty, faith and trust require great courage. Standing up for yourself and your friends, and thus risking conflict (which nobody likes), requires courage.
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
True friendship is the freedom to be yourself. To be accepted as you are. To be able to say what is on your mind without fear of being rejected. To be respected for being open and honest. To be allowed your opinion, even if it is not agreed upon or favoured by the other person. A good friend might not always agree with you, or think you are doing the right thing, but he or she will accept that you have made the decision that you feel is right for you, respect you and your decision, and support you.
"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
If we cannot love ourselves, we can not love anyone else. If you cannot respect yourself, you cannot really respect another. If you cannot accept yourself, you cannot accept others. Just the same, if we cannot be a good friend to ourselves, we cannot be a good friend to someone else.
"When we seek to discover the best in others,
we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."
~ William Arthur Ward
Commitment and Responsibility
Being a good friend requires commitment. It means that you are a friend through sunshine and rain.... through good times and bad. That you are always there, just as you would always like your friend to be there for you. It is not a one-sided relationship where you only remember your friend when you are in need. You must be there for your friends when they are in need of a shoulder too. Real friends are responsible for being the best kind of friend they can be. Commitment requires being responsible for your actions and for doing the best you can do.
Honesty and Trust
In friendship, just as in any other relationships, honesty is of utmost importance. Honesty forms a bond of trust and sharing. A real friend will always tell the truth and never lie, even if it hurts. Where dishonesty prevails, there will be no trust. No relationship can thrive without trust. Be truthful and trust that your friend will love you no matter what you say or do. Trust that your friend will help and support you. If you cannot be honest with your friend then you do not trust your friend. A friendship cannot be based on this. You need to be able to trust that your friend has your best interests at heart. If you take disagreement as a personal insult then you will never be able to forge good relationships, since all relationships have disagreements. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same and all had the same opinions. I suggest you learn to love yourself so that you can see that a difference of opinion is healthy. It helps us to see things from a different perspective than our own, and sometimes shows us things we would not have thought of otherwise. Please see these posts for assistance in this area: 5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem and How to change to a positive mindset.
Respect
We all have different opinions and beliefs, and we often disagree with other people. A friend does not have to agree with what you say or do, and may voice his or her opinion. This is freedom to be an individual, which is a requirement of any relationship. You must, however, accept that your friend has a right to his or her own opinion, and respect that. A real friend may not agree with you about a particular aspect, but he or she has the right to tell you so and will support you no matter what you decide, whether he or she likes it or not. Such a friendship shows unconditional love and acceptance.
Forgiveness
We all have all the tools for perfection within ourselves, but as long as we are here on earth, we have not yet discovered them. We are presented with lessons to help us discover and use these tools to gain perfection. We thus all make 'mistakes' and do things we regret, no exception. Friendship requires forgiveness, when we make these 'mistakes'. If we learn from them then we are growing, and so our relationships will grow. If we can't understand that others have a right to make mistakes, then we cannot forgive. Forgiveness is necessary for maintaining any relationship, and a good friend will not be lost due to a misunderstanding or small conflict.
Listening
Listening is a skill that improves with practice. We need to be able to listen well and not interrupt. This shows consideration for our friend. The friend will feel that they are important enough to deserve your full attention. This strengthens the bond between you and your friend.
Encouragement
We all go through periods that we feel down, depressed and lacking motivation. A good friend will go out of their way to encourage you to do things that make you feel better. A good friend will want you to feel better, and although he or she shows you sympathy, he or she will not feel so sorry for you that you feel more self-piteous. Helping someone deeper into the self-pity pit is not in their best interests, and thus not a good friendship trait. Sometimes what we really need is someone to wake us up from this self-defeating behaviour.
Fun
A good friend is not only for the bad times... Good friends share the good times too. They do things together and laugh together. They have fun together. Remember that laughter is the best medicine. Good friends can be themselves totally without feeling silly. Good friends do silly, crazy things together, and love it.
A true friend will always possess these seven characteristics and often more. If you want to have good friends, you must be a good friend by having these qualities. Get to work on these qualities because they will enrich all your relationships and therefore your life.
Please feel free to comment or email me.
Love, light and abundance ♥
This blog is a dedication to my two best friends who are the best friends anyone could ever have. I am eternally grateful for their wonderful friendship.
The essence of friendship is the same as in any other type of close relationship. It requires the same things: commitment, responsiblity, trust, honesty, forgiveness, courage, respect, sincerity, patience, an open mind and faith. True friendship is a very rewarding relationship, and necessary for successful romantic relationships.
There is a huge difference between acquaintances and true friends. We even have specific friends that we only share specific things with. Maybe you have an action friend that you do things like sports with, or hiking, etc, but you don't share everything with that friend.
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell you what thy art."
~ Miquel de Cervantes
As James Allen says, we attract what we are. If you have good friends, then you are doing something right. If you have bad friends, you need to look within yourself to see what it is that is attracting them into your life, and take steps to change that. If you don't have any true friends, then maybe you have problems committing yourself to any kind of relationship. You might not have the courage to maintain any kind of relationship with anyone, since all relationships have conflict at some time or another. If not, we would not be our true selves, but be dancing to the tune of someone else. We have to communicate what we would like from our friendship, and what we don't like. To do this we must be able to be honest with the person and trust that they are truly our friends. Honesty, faith and trust require great courage. Standing up for yourself and your friends, and thus risking conflict (which nobody likes), requires courage.
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
True friendship is the freedom to be yourself. To be accepted as you are. To be able to say what is on your mind without fear of being rejected. To be respected for being open and honest. To be allowed your opinion, even if it is not agreed upon or favoured by the other person. A good friend might not always agree with you, or think you are doing the right thing, but he or she will accept that you have made the decision that you feel is right for you, respect you and your decision, and support you.
"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
If we cannot love ourselves, we can not love anyone else. If you cannot respect yourself, you cannot really respect another. If you cannot accept yourself, you cannot accept others. Just the same, if we cannot be a good friend to ourselves, we cannot be a good friend to someone else.
"When we seek to discover the best in others,
we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."
~ William Arthur Ward
Commitment and Responsibility
Being a good friend requires commitment. It means that you are a friend through sunshine and rain.... through good times and bad. That you are always there, just as you would always like your friend to be there for you. It is not a one-sided relationship where you only remember your friend when you are in need. You must be there for your friends when they are in need of a shoulder too. Real friends are responsible for being the best kind of friend they can be. Commitment requires being responsible for your actions and for doing the best you can do.
Honesty and Trust
In friendship, just as in any other relationships, honesty is of utmost importance. Honesty forms a bond of trust and sharing. A real friend will always tell the truth and never lie, even if it hurts. Where dishonesty prevails, there will be no trust. No relationship can thrive without trust. Be truthful and trust that your friend will love you no matter what you say or do. Trust that your friend will help and support you. If you cannot be honest with your friend then you do not trust your friend. A friendship cannot be based on this. You need to be able to trust that your friend has your best interests at heart. If you take disagreement as a personal insult then you will never be able to forge good relationships, since all relationships have disagreements. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same and all had the same opinions. I suggest you learn to love yourself so that you can see that a difference of opinion is healthy. It helps us to see things from a different perspective than our own, and sometimes shows us things we would not have thought of otherwise. Please see these posts for assistance in this area: 5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem and How to change to a positive mindset.
Respect
We all have different opinions and beliefs, and we often disagree with other people. A friend does not have to agree with what you say or do, and may voice his or her opinion. This is freedom to be an individual, which is a requirement of any relationship. You must, however, accept that your friend has a right to his or her own opinion, and respect that. A real friend may not agree with you about a particular aspect, but he or she has the right to tell you so and will support you no matter what you decide, whether he or she likes it or not. Such a friendship shows unconditional love and acceptance.
Forgiveness
We all have all the tools for perfection within ourselves, but as long as we are here on earth, we have not yet discovered them. We are presented with lessons to help us discover and use these tools to gain perfection. We thus all make 'mistakes' and do things we regret, no exception. Friendship requires forgiveness, when we make these 'mistakes'. If we learn from them then we are growing, and so our relationships will grow. If we can't understand that others have a right to make mistakes, then we cannot forgive. Forgiveness is necessary for maintaining any relationship, and a good friend will not be lost due to a misunderstanding or small conflict.
Listening
Listening is a skill that improves with practice. We need to be able to listen well and not interrupt. This shows consideration for our friend. The friend will feel that they are important enough to deserve your full attention. This strengthens the bond between you and your friend.
Encouragement
We all go through periods that we feel down, depressed and lacking motivation. A good friend will go out of their way to encourage you to do things that make you feel better. A good friend will want you to feel better, and although he or she shows you sympathy, he or she will not feel so sorry for you that you feel more self-piteous. Helping someone deeper into the self-pity pit is not in their best interests, and thus not a good friendship trait. Sometimes what we really need is someone to wake us up from this self-defeating behaviour.
Fun
A good friend is not only for the bad times... Good friends share the good times too. They do things together and laugh together. They have fun together. Remember that laughter is the best medicine. Good friends can be themselves totally without feeling silly. Good friends do silly, crazy things together, and love it.
A true friend will always possess these seven characteristics and often more. If you want to have good friends, you must be a good friend by having these qualities. Get to work on these qualities because they will enrich all your relationships and therefore your life.
Please feel free to comment or email me.
Love, light and abundance ♥
This blog is a dedication to my two best friends who are the best friends anyone could ever have. I am eternally grateful for their wonderful friendship.
Came across your blog and was interested in your approach, I think much of what you say holds true, agree that friendship is a commitment, but we are both negative and positive (and in between) and only when we accept both can we fully accept ourselves. So for instance you ask your best friend, "do I look fat in this", what does your best friend reply, can she/he respond with a white lie?
ReplyDeleteHi Gary :)
DeleteAbout being negative and positive, and in between, which would then mean neutral. We can never be neutral about anything. Every thought we think, every belief or non belief we have, has some effect on our lives, in some way or other, at some time or another. Our inherent nature is one of love. However, we have been socially conditioned to be in a state of fear. We have accepted negativity as the normal behaviour of humans. This is so entrenched in us that most people cannot tell the difference between negative and positive emotions. There are basically two emotions: love, and fear. All the positive emotions fall under love, and all the negative emotions fall under fear. If we trace them back to the root, they are fear. When we are in a state of love, we are in alignment with our true selves, we receive inspiration, guidance, and experience miracles that we never thought possible. Yes, we can be in this state at all times, that is what enlightenment is. We also experience enlightenment in bursts, here and there, at times when we are in a state of love.
I am, and have always been a very honest person, and I have always believed in telling the truth, to the extent that I have been blatantly honest with people in the past. However, it took a lot of understanding and effort to realise that this was not always for the best. The question to ask yourself is this: How does it make me feel to give the one answer, and how does it make me feel to give the other reply? The answer that puts you in a state of love, is the correct one. Your emotions are your guidance system, and will always show you the right way.
It is important to realise that what you may perceive as a lie, is not necessarily a lie. You may think that you are ugly, and it may seem like a lie to tell yourself that you are handsome. However, if you trace the belief about you being ugly back to where it originated from, you will realise that it was not you who created that belief. Therefore it cannot be your truth. You may have accepted it, and thought of it as your truth, but is it really?
Please let me know if you need further explanation...
Blessings,
Adrienne :)
Hi Adrienne ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't mean neutral, it's more like the waning tides of the yin and yang, a continuim (sp?) rather than polar opposites. I agree you cannot be neutral, but don't agree we are ever one thing, I believe we are many things, but we choose to emphasize certain aspects dependent on circumstance, motives, mood etc. If I meet an elephant whilst walking alone down the path, fear is a healthy response, and love could be an unhealthy response? If my child is walking with me when we meet the elephant, love and fear change their shape...
Is true enlightenment not knowing all of yourself?
Nice chatting
Gary ;)
Hi Gary :)
DeleteYes, the ego has it's uses... it is meant to be a fight or flight response, to immediate physical danger. This causes us to release adrenaline, and we have the ability to deal with the circumstances. However, this only applies to immediate physical danger. It does not apply to the threats that we imagine. Our mental and emotional threats are just our imagination. These we have learnt through our conditioning to such an extent that they seem very real to us. It is also very bad for us to release too much adrenaline.
Yes, enlightenment is the knowing your true inherent self... awareness. Our true inherent self is love, God, universal intelligence... people call it by different names. Names mean nothing, they are just labels, and thus of the ego. It is that source of power which dwells within each and every one of us... within every creature, and thing. Of course, we have created images of who and what we are, each one for a different person and different situation. These images are like the layers of an onion that cover up our true inherent nature. The more layers, the more fear, the less love. These layers are the ego, and it fights to be in control of us. Every battle we face is with the ego... let it go and we experience peace and love. You can have cancer and be in a state of love, or you can have cancer and be in a state of fear.
Hope that answers your question...
Blessings,
Adrienne :)