FEAR

What is fear?

An unpleasant, strong emotion that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
It is not real, it is imagined.  Fear is a debilitating emotion.  If someone is holding a gun to your head, you experience fear, you imagine that that person is going to kill you.  It could very well turn out that he is too fearful to kill you, but you automatically imagine the worst.

"There would be no one to frighten if you refused to be afraid."
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyses needed efforts to 
convert retreat into advance."
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Fear is felt by others too, and causes a reaction.  Think of dogs.  It is as if they smell your fear, and react on it, and attack you.  Remember that fear is a negative emotion and thus emits negative vibrations to those around you. They thus feel this vibration or energy and send back negative energy.  This makes your fear even stronger and stronger and stronger.  If you are not afraid, but in a state of  love, in positivity, other's will react to this and send positive energy back.   Like when you smile at someone... most often they will smile back.  Unless they themselves are in a very dark and negative place... in which case they will not even notice the smile.  That dark place is too dark to see anything, but what is going on in THEIR imagination.

"For as children tremble and fear everything in the blind darkness,
so we in the light sometimes fear what is no more to be feared than the things children in the dark hold in terror and imagine will come true."
~ Titus Lucretius Carus

Politicians and people in power use fear to manipulate people into following them all the time, knowing what power fear has.   I received a text a few months back from someone I know.  They had been watching television and had heard that black people were going to kill as many white people in South Africa as possible, on Freedom Day.  A politician had used this to gain favour by promising protection if people joined his party and texted others to join too.  My immediate thought, when I received the text, was to keep my children safely indoors for that day.  The fear had been instilled.  I thought about it and realised that I was allowing fear to control me, as this person had, by texting me.  No, I was not prepared to send out that text to anyone and told the person so.  How many people sent out that text?  Probably millions...  They allowed fear to rule them... They may even have taken steps to protect themselves from this danger, and in doing so, they sent out negative energy and would have received it back in one form or another.  Freedom Day came and went and nothing happened!

"Fear is the little darkroom where negatives are developed."
~ Michael Pritchard

The more we fear, the more we adopt a negative mindset, and fear more, and more.  Eventually fear controls us and we are no longer in control of our own peace of mind and happiness.

"The greatest obstacle to love is fear.
It has been the source of all defects 
in human behaviour
throughout the ages."
~ Mahmoud Mohammed Taha

I call it the GREAT WALL OF CHINA!  It is the wall of self-preservation that people put up to prevent being hurt by other's.   They have been hurt in the past by someone that they loved and are afraid to be hurt again.  They put this wall up to protect themselves.  Some experience love for a while, but fear creeps in by a word, an action, or circumstance they find themselves in, and the Great Wall of China comes up.  The strength of this wall depends on the strength of the fear, as is often so great that the person can't see past the fear to experience this great love and happiness.  This wall causes the person who has build it to be emotionless, cold and callous, where there once was warmth and love.  If the fear is not too great, the person experiencing it will overcome it and find the love and happiness that was there.   The only person that can get past this wall of fear is the person that is living it.

I have spent many hours wondering why someone can love you one minute, be warm and loving, only to hate you the next moment, and to be cold and callous.  Fear is the answer, for love does not just disappear into thin air.  It is replaced by fear when the fear overpowers the person's life.  Once the previously loved one has disappeared from the situation, the fear evaporates to leave the person empty and alone.  To once again live with the fear, rather than overcoming it.  There is a sort of relief in not having to face the fear.

Had the fear been faced and overcome, the person experiencing it would have felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment and confidence.   A new strength to live from.  This allows people to conquer more and more fears, until a state of love is reached.  Goals and dreams can be made, and reached, for fear is the only thing that keeps us back from the happy lives we are worthy of, and so rightly deserve.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past
I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
~ Frank Herbert

"Fear is a tyrant, a despot,
more terrible than the rack,
more potent than the snake."
~ Edgar Wallace

"What we fear comes to pass more speedily than we hope."
~ Publilius Syrus

Remember that whether you believe it or not, the Law of Attraction is always working.  Our thoughts and emotions attract circumstances that will bring us back similar emotions.  Do you want to be fearful and unhappy, or do you want to have the courage to conquer that fear, and be happy, at peace, and confident?  We always always have a choice, whether we believe it or not.

In this life we are presented with lessons.  These lessons are for us to learn from and become stronger and more enlightened.  If we do not learn the lesson, it is presented to us again and again, in different forms, and often more difficult each time, so that we cannot ignore it.   If you are faced with great fears, it could be that you haven't been learning your lesson and it is making your life worse and worse.  Is that what you want?

You can only be your true inner self and live from inspiration if you are without fear.  You won't see anything when it has passed because it was never real.... only a figment of your imagination.  You experience great inner strength and confidence every time you conquer a fear.  Go ahead, give it a go!  You have more strength and courage than you realise.

"Courage is not the lack of fear,
but the ability to face it."
~ John B. Putnam Jr.

If you analyse fear, you will see that fear is the basis of all the negative emotions like anger, dislike, impatience, intolerance, resentment, hatred, worry, doubt and many more.  When you get angry about something, it is because you are fearful that it won't be as you want it to be.  You may fear being in trouble for work not correctly done.  When you dislike someone, it is a fear of something inside that person that doesn't resonate with you.  The fear that that person may betray or hurt you.

More and more scientists and doctors have come to the realization that all disease is psychosomatic... of the mind.  The cause of all disease, or  dis-ease, is fear.  Let go of the fear and you let go of disease.

Affirmation for conquering fear

I am releasing all fears and doubts, 
for I am understanding that they only keep me
from living life to the fullest.

Say this affirmation as often as possible until it becomes a belief.

Most of our life matters are interrelated, so please read my other blogs to get a better understanding of life in general.

Please feel free to comment or to email me for more information.

Love, light and much courage! ♥

11 RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time round.  Does it serve you to love it or to hate it?

"To be beautiful means to be yourself.  You don't need to be accepted by others.  You need to accept yourself."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full time informal school called Life.  Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons.  You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.  Isn't it better to accept and love them as part of life, and learn from them,  than to become bitter about them?

"It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail."
~ Lech Walesa

There are no mistakes, only lessons.
There is a process of trial and error;  experimentation.  The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works.  By trial and error, you get one step closer to success.  Is there success in giving up?

"I didn't fail ten thousand times. I successfully eliminated ten thousand  times, materials and combinations which wouldn't work."
~ Thomas Edison (Inventor of the light bulb)

A lesson is repeated until it is learnt.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learnt it.  When you have learnt it, you can go on to the next lesson.  These lessons tend to get more and more difficult.  Remember, what you resist, persists.  Isn't it better and easier to just learn the lesson and move on to the next one?

"What you resist persists."
~ Carl Jung

Learning Lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons.  If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt.  These lessons help us to build character and to become stronger.  This serves us for the next lesson.

"Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there."
~ John Wooden

'There' is no better than 'here'.
When your 'there' has become a 'here', you will simply obtain another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.   Any challenges and issues that you face where you are at any given moment, will follow you wherever you go.  There is no running from your life or lessons.  The grass is never greener on the other side.

"You can't run away from trouble.  There ain't no place that far."
~ Uncle Remus

Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.  This is easy to understand when you look at your friends.  They have qualities you value about yourself.  That's what you love about them.   That is what attracted them to you in the first place.  Now look at the qualities you hate in someone.  I know it is hard to accept, but those qualities exist in you, at some level.  These people come into our lives because we have attracted them by having the same qualities as them.

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves;  they therefore remain bound."
~ James Allen

What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need.  What you do with them is up to you.  The choice is yours.  When you approach life and it's challenges from a positive state of mind, they tend to be but little mole heaps. When you approach life and it's challenges from a negative state of mind, they tend to be huge mountains that are impossible to cross.

"Man is made, or unmade by himself.  By the right choice he ascends.  As a being of power, intelligence and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation."
~ James Allen

Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life's questions lie inside you.  All you need to do is look, listen and trust.  We arrive on earth in possession of every tool that we need to have an abundant and joyful life.  So often we are so bogged down with what is happening on the outside that we fail to see what we have on the inside.  You would be overwhelmed at the talents, powers and strengths you possess, if you would only focus on what is within and not what is without.  It is time to believe in your greatness, and it will come to you.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are of little importance compared to what lies within us."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You will forget all this.

You can remember it whenever you want.


Your comments and questions are always welcome!

Love, light and abundance to you on your journey.

WHAT DOES YOUR WORD REALLY MEAN?

We can learn so much about life from fairy tales and stories.

Some of you may know the story of 'Peter and the wolf', but for those of you who don't, I will relate the basic story.

Peter and the Wolf

Peter was a shepherd boy and looked after the sheep in the mountains above the village.  His job was to keep the sheep safe from predators, such as wolves.

One day, Peter was bored, and in need of some excitement.  He thought it would be very funny to trick the villagers.

Peter stood at the top of the mountain, and yelled, "Help! Help! There is a wolf among my sheep!"

The villagers left their work, grabbed pitch forks, spades and anything they could use as weapons, and rushed up the mountain side to chase the wolf away.

All that they found there, was Peter having a good laugh.  They walked back down the mountain, in disgust, at Peter lying to them.

The next day, Peter was once again bored, and did the exact same thing.  The villagers were a little hesitant, but grabbed their weapons and dashed up the mountain side once more.  Perhaps with a little less fervour.

They were notably angry with Peter when they realised that he had lied and once more tricked them.  They walked back to the village cursing him all the way.

On the third day, Peter noticed a wolf near his sheep and ran to the edge of the mountain and shouted, "Help! Help! Wolf! Wolf!"  He shouted and shouted, but nobody came to help and the wolf ate as many sheep as he could.

The villagers had had enough of Peter's tricks and lies, and didn't believe him anymore.

                                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What lesson is there to be learnt from this story?
What does it mean to you when somebody tells you that they are going to do something, and they don't do that thing?
How do you feel?
What if somebody does this several times?
Don't you trust them less every time?
Don't you think that they are digging their own grave of deceit?
Don't you think they have weakened the power of their words?
Can a relationship/friendship/partnership be based on a lack of trust?
Don't you think you deserve honesty?
Don't you think they are being irresponsible?
Don't you think they are being inconsiderate and disrespectful?

Quotes

"When man takes an oath... he's holding his own self in his own hands.  Like water.  And if he opens his fingers ~ he needn't hope to find himself again."
~ Robert Bolt

"Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once, they diminish day by day."
~ German Proverb

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me the truth."
~ Henry D. Thoreau

"Honesty has a beautiful and refreshing simplicity about it.
No ulterior motives.  No hidden meanings.
An absence of hypocrisy, duplicity, political games, and verbal superficiality.
As honest and real integrity characterise our lives,
there will be no need to manipulate others."
~ Chuck Swindoll

"To be persuasive, we must be believable;
To be believable, we must be credible;
Credible we must be truthful."
~ Edward R. Murrow

"Losers make promise they often break.
Winners make commitments they always keep."
~ Denis Waitley

"For every promise, there is a price to pay."
~ Jim Rohn


When we give our word to do something, and we don't go through with it, it makes us feel like a failure.  This may be on a conscious or subconscious level, but the result is always failure.

When we give our word to do something, and we go through with it, we feel empowered, confident and successful.  By committing ourselves to something we have said we would do, we honour ourselves and tell ourselves that we are worthy.

Think very carefully before you give your word about anything, there will be a price to pay.  The price may be that other's won't trust you and may doubt your integrity, or that you may feel worthless.  Are you willing to pay that price?  Never start something you don't intend to finish.

Start NOW to be the person you want to be!

Please let me know your thoughts on this topic, and any other topics you would like me to cover.  Your input is of great value to me.

Love, light and abundance!

LOVE ~ WHAT IS IT REALLY?

"Love all of God's creation,
the whole of it, and every grain of sand.
Love every leaf,
Every ray of God's light.
Love the animals, love the plants,
Love everything.
If you love everything,
You will soon perceive the divine mystery in things.
Once you perceive it,
You will begin to comprehend it better every day.
And you will come at last to love the whole world
with an all-embracing love."
~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
~ Anthony de Mello

Love is a verb!  It is something we choose to do, or not do.  We express it in the actions we take.  The feeling of love springs from positive thought and has a power to put us into action.

"When the power of love
overcomes the love of power,
The world will know peace."
~ Jimi Hendrix

When we are positive we perceive the beauty and goodness around us.  There is no love in a negative mind, only need, suffering and evil.  The need for acceptance and approval of others exceeds their need for authenticity... they don't think they are worthy of happiness.

When one mentions the word 'love', the first thing that people think of is romantic love... Yes, romantic love is very much a part of who we are, but self-love is the most important of all, for without it we mean nothing to ourselves, and thus to others.  Platonic love is the next stage of love.  Afterall, there are many more people that we should love platonicly... the whole universe, every animal, every plant and rock.  This platonic love affects our daily lives, our work, our play, our well-being.  When we feel this abundance of love for all things and beings, we receive the same love back...  True romantic love can only be achieved through self-love firstly, and then love of all things and beings... In this kind of love, we are not dependent or needy... we share what we have... we give.  By giving, we experience the miracle of receiving...

Have you ever looked at couples that are truly happy.  Are they living in a positive mindset or a negative mindset?  Take a good look and you will see that their basic foundation of their relationship is build on positivity.  Yes, they will step into a negative mindset every now and then, but because they have a solid positive foundation, they are able to quickly remove negativity without any lasting effects and keep on loving each other, no matter what.

"Unconditional love:
Freedom and love go together.
Love is not a reaction.
If I love you because you love me,
that is mere trade, 
a thing to be bought in the market;
it is not love.
To love is not to ask anything in return,
not even to feel that you are giving something
~ and it is only such love that can know freedom."
~ Jiddu Krisnamurti

We are told to love our neighbours, but how can we love our neighbours, or anyone else, if we can't  love ourselves?  Where will we get the love from, to give away, if we don't possess it?  We can only give away things that we already possess.  It is really like beggars begging from each other, as Osho so aptly puts it.  Loving ourselves means we are positive about ourselves, and if we are positive about ourselves, then we are positive about the people and the world around us.  We feel worthy of the achievement of our goals and strive for them with vigour.

Do you want to create more love in your life?

Do this little exercise that I started about a year ago.   Next time you go shopping, smile at everyone that you see.... even the ugliest, oldest, fattest, nastiest-looking people.  Ninety five percent of the people you smile at will smile back at you.  You will feel a remarkable difference in yourself and the world around you.  Later you won't even notice that you are smiling, and you will have all these people smiling at you and spreading love.   Remember love is a verb.  Do it!  

Read my blog '5 Ways to improve your self-esteem'
http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem.html

"Love makes the world less worldly, less dense, more transparent to the divine dimension, the light of consciousness itself." 
~ Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth)

Become selfish!  Yes, you read correctly... selfish.   Selfishness is a word that has been condemned by society, but it is really a beautiful word.  Just be yourself, your true inherent self... be love.  Self-centredness is is not a love of oneself, but rather a vanity.  Vanity is the lack of self-love... the seeking of acceptance and approval by means of our outer exterior and world, because we hold no value of inner love.  Don't consider anyone else but yourself.  In doing so, you will have considered the whole world.  By loving yourself you will be giving the whole world love, and everyone in it.  When you love yourself first, you cannot help to love others.  There is a huge difference between loving yourself  and sacrificing yourself.  There is no love in sacrifice, only fear.   Fear of not being good enough.... fear of  not being approved of... fear of not being loved.  You will be giving the world your full potential, your best.  What good is your worst to anyone?

"The majority of us lead quiet,
unheralded lives as we pass through this world.
There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us,
no monuments in our honour.
But that does not lessen our possible impact,
for there are scores of people waiting for
someone just like us to come along;
people who will appreciate our compassion,
our unique talents.
Someone who will live a happier live merely because
we took the time to share what we had to give.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have a potential to turn a life around.
It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities
there are to make our love felt."
~ Leo Buscaglia

                                                    ~~♥~~~♥~~
"That which you are,
your true self,
you love it,
and whatever you do,
you do for your own happiness.
To find it, to know it,
to cherish it is your basic urge.
Since time immemorial you loved yourself,
but never wisely.
Use your body and mind wisely in the service of the self,
that is all.
Be true to your own self,
love yourself absolutely.
Do not pretend that you love others as yourself.
Unless you have realised them as one with yourself,
You cannot love them.
Don't pretend to be what you are not,
don't refuse to be what you are.
Your love of others is the result of self-knowledge,
not it's cause.
Without self-realisation,
no virtue is genuine.
When you know beyond all doubting,
that the same life flows through all that is
and you are that life,
you will love all naturally and spontaneously.
When you realise the depth and fullness of yourself,
you know that every living being
and the entire universe are included in your affection.
But when you look at anything as separate from you,
you cannot love it for you are afraid of it.
Alienation causes fear and fear deepens alienation.
It is a vicious circle.
Only self-realisation can break it.
Go for it resolutely!"
~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Please leave a comment or email me your thoughts or suggestions for topics to cover.

Love, light and abundance ♥ 

HOW TO ADOPT A POSITIVE MINDSET

Positive or negative thinking can make or break our lives.

The Law of Attraction is a law by which we are all governed, whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not.  The law states that like attracts like, that positive or negative thinking brings about positive or negative results.

We have a thought, and it causes a feeling, and we then act on that feeling.   Strong emotions send out either positive or negative vibrations (energy), depending which emotions we are experiencing.  By acting on that feeling, we become what we are and thus attract what we are.  We are what we think!

How often we say we need to think about something.  This usually happens when we are faced with negative issues or thoughts.  Think about it...hehe... what will the results of these negative thoughts be?  Remember that negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts.  How can the results possibly be positive?  When we are in a positive mindset then there is no place for thoughts.  We live from inspiration, and in the NOW.  We feel good;  we think good;  we do good, with no thought to obstacles and barriers.

James Allen is one of my greatest teachers and his books have helped me to understand so much more about life and how to be truly happy.  Here are some of his quotes:

"A man is literally what he thinks"

"A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life."

"All that you accomplish or fail to accomplish with your life is the direct result of your thoughts."

"As in the rankest soil the most beautiful flowers are grown, so in the dark soil of poverty the choicest flowers of humanity have developed and bloomed."

"He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little;  he who would achieve much must sacrifice much;  he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly."

"Man is made or unmade by himself.  By the right choice he ascends.  As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation."

David Bohm said: "Thought runs you.  Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls thought.  Whereas actually thought is the one which controls each one of us."

How often do we choose to think the worst possible scenario in any situation?  Look at this example:  Your partner is very quiet and not giving you much attention.   What is the first thing you think?  He or she is upset with me.... What have I done?  He or she doesn't love me anymore... I think you get the drift... But have you ever stopped to think that maybe your partner is really busy;  or that he or she isn't feeling well;  or that something else has caused their change in attitude, other than you?  Have you ever stopped to think that your partner may see you as the only positivity in his or her life at that moment?

So how do we become more positive?

Your emotional guidance system

There are really only two emotions.  Positive emotions and negative emotions.  They are our guidance system,  and by becoming aware of them we can stop ourselves and change to a more positive feeling.   Good feelings make us feel good and bad feelings make us feel bad.  How do you feel right now?

There are many, many emotions, but here are a few to give you the idea:

Positive Emotions
Love
Appreciation
Ambition
Courage
Capability
Certainty
Confidence
Enthusiasm
Peace
Tranquility
Worthiness

Negative Emotions
Shame
Controlled
Criticised
Discouragement
Confusion
Complaining
Sceptical
Rejection
Judged
Lonely
Powerless
Resentment

Get into a state of appreciation

We can do this in many ways.

Spending time in nature and shutting ourselves off to everything but the beauty around us and the sound of birds singing, waves breaking, water trickling, or wind rustling in the trees, has a soothing effect on the soul, and is sure to put a smile on one's face.

Taking a good look around us to see what we have, and often what many other's don't have, helps us to realise how fortunate we are.  Even if it is just the clothes on our backs, or the roof over our head, or the eyes to read this.  Saying 'thank you, thank you, thank you', brings many things to mind that we can be grateful for.
Make a list of all the things you are grateful for and read it as often as possible.  Say thank you during the day when you begin to feel negativity setting in.

Be Thankful For...

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. 
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown

Surround yourself with positive people

Negative people give off negative energy and make us feel drained.  They talk about negative events or gossip about other people.  They see obstacles and barriers all around them.  They are poor role models, since they are too negative to pursue their dreams.  What is worse is that they make us believe that our dreams can never come true.

Motivate yourself

Listen to music that makes you feel good.
Watch motivational videos. (There are many, many available, for free)
Read books that make you feel inspired.  (The internet is filled with free ebooks for self-development)
Listen to motivational mp3's.  (There are many available for free)
Watch comedies.  Refrain from watching the news or movies that make you feel sad or afraid.

Use affirmations to change your negative beliefs

We all have negative beliefs about different things, consciously and unconsciously.  These affect how we approach life.  Positive affirmations assist us in changing our beliefs from limiting beliefs to beliefs that serve us.

Affirmations should be repeated as often as possible to become a lasting belief.

Here are some affirmations that will give you a headstart until you make your own, according to your own personal dreams and goals:

I feel positive and I am moving in the direction of success.
New opportunities are showing up daily and my positive mindset allows me to take advantage of them.
I feel alive and ready to take on the world with love and  zest.
I can be, do, and have anything I set my mind to.
I am raising my energy levels to new heights.

The time is NOW.  Tackle those dreams, and let me know how you are doing.

For a free audio of 'As a man thinketh' by James Allen:
http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Self-Development/Instructional/As-a-Man-Thinketh/15183

For an awesome free audio course in positivity:  http://www.trans4mind.com/positive/

2 WOLVES ~ WHICH ONE TO FEED?

The Two Wolves Within

An old Cherokee and his grandson
Sat around the fire.
He told his grandson of a lesson:
'Two wolves live within us,
And control us.'

One is negative,
and is called by many names:
Anger, envy, jealousy,
Sorrow, regret, greed,
Arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
Resentment, inferiority, lies,
False-pride, superiority and ego.

The other is positive,
And has many characteristics:
Joy, peace, love and hope,
Serenity, humility, kindness,
Benevolence, empathy, generosity,
Truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about this
And asked:  'Which wolf is dominant?'
The Cherokee simply replied:
'The wolf you feed.'

Have you ever been in a relationship and thought how absolutely awesome your partner is, only to discover down the line that he or she has become a totally different person?  Yes, I am sure you have, it happens all the time, and to all of us.  The fact is that a negative or positive mindset determines who we are.  We all have a choice which wolf to feed.  When we understand what is happening, it is easier for us to accept, forgive, heal, move on and have closure.

The effects of a negative mindset have the ability to change the nicest person into the worst person.  Fortunately this is not his or her inherent character, and can therefore be resolved.   As long as the person is aware of this and has the will to get back into alignment with his or her true nature.

When people are in a positive mindset, they are truly able to love and give of themselves freely and unconditionally.  There are no emotional walls set up for protection against pain that they may experience.  The mind is flooded with positivity.  Problems are seen as challenges, and are overcome as minor irritants, and they become confident in their abilities.  They feel inspired to do things they normally would not do.  Criticism does not phase them too much, and they often see it as constructive.  They are eager to improve themselves and their relationships with others, and by doing so, reach new heights of happiness.

This positive mindset makes them feel like winners, and that anything is possible, and it truly becomes so.  They see it in the unfolding events and bask in it.  They therefore attract more great circumstances, opportunities, happiness, love and excitement into their lives.  They feel great!  They have fed the good wolf and have been rewarded.

This often lasts until the person is faced with constant, strong negativity from somebody who is close to them.  Someone that they value and seek approval from.  Usually someone close to them that has always been breaking them down emotionally.  This negativity from the loved one slowly chips away at their positive mindset.  Anger, feelings of not being in control, self-pity and resentment set in.

They see life as a struggle and they look for the worst in every scenario.  They take every word said to them as a personal insult.  This, linked with one other negative event or circumstance, causes them to stop feeding the positive wolf, and they give up or try to run away from the problems.  Dreams and goals are forgotten...tossed out into the wind.  Past successes are buried so deep in the subconscious that it is as if they never existed.  The negative wolf has been fed too much and takes over... The person becomes a victim in his or her mind.

Playing the role of a victim is the easier thing in the world.  There is no self-responsibility and the victim has the right to blame everyone else for his or her misery.  The victim will make every excuse in the book not to live up to his or her responsibilities and commitments, and becomes impatient and intolerant of everyone around him or her, especially those who have been emotionally abusive towards him or her in the past.

When we play the victim role, we experience fear, anxiety, depression, procrastination, need for approval, difficulty in making decisions, inability to know what we really want, and many other ineffective feelings and behaviours that only serve to bring us more misery.

We lack confidence, engage in compulsive behaviours for temporary relief from tension and anxiety, and lack general direction in our life.

Victims think that the world owes them something and thus expect others to support them and carry them, with no regard for the pain that they cause others.  Unfortunately those closest to the victim are the one's who suffer the most.  Victims are self-absorbed and so deep in the self-pity pit that they don't even realise the pain that they cause those close to them.  They become emotionally abusive, to different degrees, to try to gain control of their lives.  They lack lust for life.  Nothing is possible.

The more indecisive they become, the more others start demanding their rights to be met and begin to take control of situations.  They lack the will to go after what they want, finding excuse after excuse to justify their negativity.  This inability to assert themselves causes a lack of confidence, worthlessness, more feelings of anger and being controlled.  If one doesn't behave responsibly and assertively, one gives up one's control to others.  These negative thoughts and feelings attract more misery and this vicious cycle keeps going.

Love and commitment, which are positive emotions, have no place in a negative mindset.  Victims often forget positive times, as if they never occurred.  Relationships begin to suffer and minor issues and challenges become mountains that are impossible to cross.  The victim refuses to deal with these issues, thinking they are obstacles that could never be overcome.  More often than not, they keep you on a string by feeding you hope, to keep you on as support (they desperately need), but not willing to commit.  Wanting to end the relationship, but still wanting the benefits of your support.  It is easier for them to blame you, than learn the lesson at hand.  Their vision is clouded by negativity.

There is nothing that we can do to help them.  They see motivation as an insult to their character and if we are positive, they see us as not caring and cold.  If we are in pain, they see this as us being weak and adding to their guilt and pain.  If we ignore them and allow ourselves time to heal, they think we don't love them and never have.  They want us to support them, but all we say and do is found to be faulty.  The best thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation.  You probably know the saying:  'You can take the horse to water, but you can't make it drink'.

In the end, we all make our own choices and have a responsibility to ourselves to be happy and live in love and joy.  How can we make others happy, if we cannot be happy ourselves?  How can we love others if we cannot love ourselves?

Find help from an outside source if this is happening to you.  You must break this vicious cycle and free yourself to once more soar the skies of positivity and attain the happiness you are worthy of, and so rightly deserve.  Write a list of what you want and see my next blog with tips to feeding the positive wolf inside you.  Remember that this negative wolf is not who you really are, but who you have allowed yourself to become.

 Many people say they are positive, but the things they speak of show their scarcity mentality.  Being positive means being positive in all areas of your life.  Seeing the best in everyone, in everything... Being grateful.  Saying positive things through gritted teeth is not positive...

We all have our own lessons to learn in every situation and relationship.  Take the time to find out what your lesson is, work on it, and you will have gained much more than you have lost.

Remember that as one door closes, another door opens.  Don't close your eyes to new opportunities.  Get out, grab them and make your life what you want it to be... we only live once and we never know when it will be your last day.  Seize the moment and make it yours!

Your comments and questions are most welcome.

Love, light and abundance ♥

WHAT TO DO?

Are you indecisive about important matters?
Do you say 'I will try' or 'I will give it a go'?

"Many people go through life making nothing but 'if' decisions.
These are not decisions for success but preparations for failure."
~ Zig Ziglar

Let's analyse this... If I say 'I will TRY to wash my car today'.  There is a 99% chance that I won't do it.  I will find some excuse not to do it.  It implies that I am not committed to washing my car, that I will do it only if I feel like it.  Yet if I say 'I WILL wash my car today', then I will wash my car today.  You see, I have made a commitment to wash my car, no matter how I feel, or what happens during the day.  I have committed myself to doing something without fail... with an attitude like that, it is impossible to fail.

"Worry grows lushly in the soil of indecision."
~ Unknown

"Indecision is a form of dependency:  You are waiting for somebody to give you an answer."
~ Unknown

I WILL, implies commitment and a positive attitude.  It means that you are positive about your success at the given task, and that you will go to the ends of the earth to make sure it is a success.  Unfailing commitment and dedication to any task can only lead to success.  'I WILL' is very powerful... say it now... Feel the power.  It gives you control over your situation.

I will TRY, implies that you are not really committed, that there is doubt in your mind as to the success of the task.  What are the chances that you will succeed?   Very slim... since what you think about is what you attract into your life.  Doubt, worry and fear are your biggest enemies when using the law of attraction to your advantage.  There is no power in 'I will TRY'... say it now and you will see...

Saying 'I will TRY', is almost as negative as saying 'I can't'.  It leaves too many doors open for failure, too many doors for excuses - not to go through with the task.  You may have noticed that when you are negative and feeling down, that things just seem to go wrong.   You feel depressed about the circumstances, and so attract more of those circumstances... so you feel more depressed and attract more of the negative circumstances... this goes on and on and creates havoc in your life.

Never start anything that you are not prepared to see through to the end.  When you fail to finish something, you see yourself as a failure.   Which is not good for your self-esteem....

Decide today if you want to feel powerful and in control of your life, or if you prefer to give that power and control over to others.

Please let me know your thoughts by commenting below, or sending me an email.

Love, light and abundance ♥ 

PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE OR ASSERTIVE?

Let us start off with a few quotes...

‎"To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive."
~ Robert Louis Stevenson

‎"When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind, as to profess things he does not believe, he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime."
~ Thomas Paine

‎"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."
~ William Connor Magee, Bishop of Peterborough 1868

‎"One of the biggest obstacles to people improving their self-esteem is their constant need for approval by others. 
The problem with this is that until you believe in yourself, it will never matter what someone else says because the most important person doesn't believe it, You."
~ Catherine Pratt

ARE YOU PASSIVE?

Passive people do what others tell them to do or want them to do, whether they want to, or not.  They usually build up resentment and cause themselves even more unhappiness by doing this.  They often lack the confidence to stand up for themselves, others and their beliefs.  They are afraid that others will be upset by they opinions, and don't want to offend anybody, or cause conflict.  They don't think their opinions and beliefs are worthy of consideration.

ARE YOU AGGRESSIVE?

Aggressive people are very much the opposite.   They are not afraid of voicing their opinions in a loud, aggressive and untactful manner. They don't care if they trample on others, as long as they get their own way.  All they care about is being right and being in power.

ARE YOU ASSERTIVE?

Assertive people voice their opinions in a considerate and tactful manner.  They know what they are worth and what they want.  They know that it is beneficial to them to win people over rather than run them to the ground.  They are genuine, open-minded and confident leaders who stand up for themselves, others and their beliefs.

HOW TO BECOME ASSERTIVE

If you find it difficult to be assertive, it may be that you are lacking self-worth, and therefore don't think that you are worthy of being treated in a respectful manner.  You may not feel that you have the inner strength to stand up for what you want or believe in.   The courage to say NO... The thing is that we all do... Within us we have all the tools necessary to lead great lives!  We just have to dig them up and use them.  These tools save us much heartache and sorrow, and lead us to the lives of our dreams...

Learn more about fear, since avoiding being assertive is an act of fear:   Fear

Improve your self-esteem:   5 Ways To Improve Your Self-Esteem

Ideally, we would all prefer to be assertive, rather than passive or aggressive... 

What do you think?

Love, light and abundance! ♥