COMPASSION VS PITY

When you are feeling down and depressed, hurt... or sad about something, and someone comes over to you, sees your distress and says 'Oh shame' and gives you a hug, how do you feel?  Most of us, if not all of us, feel even sadder, and will often burst into tears.  Why do we react this way?

When we are feeling sad or down, we are really dissatisfied with some event or circumstance in our life.  This means we are against what is happening.  We see what is happening as some sort of threat to us.  We feel fear... and thus feel victimised.  We feel as though we don't have any control over the situation.  We have made ourselves into victims.  We have said 'I give up'... or 'There is nothing I can do'... 'I have no control over the situation'.  We have put ourselves on a low energy frequency, and thus attract and connect with others on a low energy frequency.

"We often think of peace as the absence of war; that if the powerful countries would reduce their arsenals, we could have peace. But if we look deeply into the weapons, we see our own minds - our prejudices, fears, and ignorance. Even if we transported all the bombs to the moon, the roots of war and the reasons for bombs would still be here, in our hearts and minds, and sooner or later we would make new bombs. Seek to become more aware of what causes anger and separation, and what overcomes them. Root out the violence in your life, and learn to live compassionately and mindfully."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Is that really what you want?  Do you want to be surrounded by people who expect and want the best of you;  or people that expect and want the worst of you?

Being in a victim mindset means that we are in scarcity mode.  We have disconnected ourselves from our higher intelligence, our divine creator, God.  When we are in need of something, it means we don't have it.  When we don't have something, we are in scarcity mode, as opposed to abundance, which is the knowing that God provides for all of our needs. 

Now when someone comes along and says 'Oh shame.... poor you', or curses the situation or person that is causing this unhappiness, for example; what we unconsciously or consciously think is this:  'See, it is true, I don't have any control over anything, I am a victim.  This person or situation causing me this pain is a tyrant.  This person feeling pity for me also sees me as a victim, and thus feels sorry for me. I have a right to feel this way'.  So our belief that we are a victim is strengthened.

When someone curses and aids you in blaming a situation or another person, they are telling you that you are powerless, that somebody or something else, is controlling you.  They are helping you to give your power away.

On the other hand, if someone were to be callous and say, 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself', we would feel unloved and victimised too.  So what would be a beneficial manner in treating a sad person?

"If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.  If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime."
~ Lao Tzu

True compassion is not pity, but rather the belief that we all live in abundance, even if someone else thinks they are living in a Universe of scarcity.  It is the knowing that the 'victim' is in abundance, but doesn't realise it at that moment.  True compassion is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to understand and to be objective.  True compassion is an understanding of the pain that the victim is feeling, yet a knowing that all is well.  Isn't it better then to acknowledge understanding, but to let the victim know that there is always a solution, and motivate the victim to find the solution?  Feeling pity for someone only disempowers them, because you are confirming that their situation is indeed pitiful.  They thus feel weak and unable to solve the problem.  Motivating someone to find the solution gives them their power back.  They realise that you have faith in their ability to solve the problem, and begin to acquire this faith in themselves, and they feel empowered. 

This may seem hard and callous to some.  The question is, are you being compassionate, and thus genuinely caring for someone;  or are you pitying someone, which is not genuine concern, but the feeding of your own ego?  Making someone rely on you... making yourself seem like a caring person, when indeed you are doing more harm than good.

Be a being of compassion, and love, and you have contributed to a greater universe of peace and abundance.  You have put yourself on a higher energy frequency, and thus attract people that are on this same higher frequency.  We are very much like radios, we connect on the frequency that we are tuned into.

What frequency is your radio on?

FORGIVENESS

FORGIVE YOURSELF INTO GREATNESS

Are you your best friend... or your greatest enemy?

Forgiveness is a rebirth of hope,
a reorganisation of thought,
and a reconstruction of dreams.
Once forgiving begins,
dreams can be rebuilt.
When forgiving is complete,
meaning has been extracted
from the worst of experiences
and used to create a new set of moral rules
and a new interpretation of life's events.
~ Beverley Flanigan

Forgiving oneself is the most difficult type of forgiving.  We are often harder on ourselves than on others.  We beat ourselves up for not being perfect.  For making mistakes... for not knowing better, and sometimes for knowing better, but still going ahead with the action in question.

When we feel hurt, rejection, frustration and pain, we often lash out in anger and say and do things that we wouldn't usually say or do.  We are blinded by our anger.  It is like having blinders on... all we see is what is directly before us and we don't like it.  We don't think straight.  We react in the moment, instead of taking the time to gather ourselves.  Regret comes once we have calmed down and realised what we have done, and the consequences of our actions.  However, it is too late... what is done is done, and cannot be undone. 

In a way, forgiving is only for the brave.
It is for those people who are willing to confront their pain,
accept themselves as permanently changed,
and make difficult choices.
Countless individuals are satisfied to go on resenting
and hating people who wrong them.
Forgivers, on the other hand,
are not content to be stuck in a quagmire.
They reject the possibility that the rest of their lives
will be determined by the unjust and injurious acts
of another person.
~ Gordon Dalbey

How does it serve us to beat ourselves up about what cannot be undone?  Does it benefit us in any way?   What good then is regret?

Regret is just something that puts limits on us... that stops us from reaching our full potential... from connecting with our inner power.  It stunts our emotional and spiritual growth, and keeps us from the freedom we are worthy of.... the freedom we so rightly deserve.

You don't have to know how to forgive... you just need to be willing to forgive.  You don't have to tell those you forgive that you have forgiven them.  Your forgiving is a private matter between you and your ego.  It is a burden that you carry, so there is no need to tell people you have forgiven them.  However, if you feel the need to do so... there is no reason for you not to do so.  Remember, though, not to expect others to be as forgiving as you are.  If they are not, don't permit that to bother you.  We are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and experience we have.  People don't often learn by being told, but by example, and by living through the lessons, when they are ready... in their own sweet time.

"All the years you have waited for them to 
'make it up to you'
and all the energy you have expended 
trying to make them change
(or make them pay)
kept the old wounds from healing
and gave pain from the past free reign
to shape, and even damage your life.
And still, they may not have changed.
Nothing you have done has made them change.
Indeed, they may never change.
Inner peace is found by changing yourself,
not the people who hurt you.
And you change for yourself,
for the joy, serenity, peace of mind,
understanding, compassion, laughter,
and bright future that you get."

~ Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiving someone for something does not mean that you have to tolerate their behaviour towards you.  We all have the right to choose how we are treated.  We also have the right and obligation towards ourselves to see things from an objective point of view.  Remember that another person's behaviour towards you has nothing to do with you.  It is not because of you that they behave as they do.  They are behaving according to their beliefs about themselves and about life... their own issues.  We always have the choice to be offended, or not.  Being offended means that we feel judged... and herein lies judgement of ourselves. 

We have the choice of whether to ignore something... or to react.  Reaction is based on strong emotions... in this case, strong negative emotions.  Whereas, if we take the time to calm down and put ourselves outside of the situation, we receive guidance from a higher power.  We then act from inspiration, rather than emotion, or past experience.

Everyone that is in our lives is here for a reason... even those we see as petty tyrants.  They are here to teach us something about ourselves.  The people in our lives are but reflections of the things we feel about ourselves.  What we hate or dislike in another is the mirror image of something we hate or dislike about ourselves.  We need to look inward and find what feelings of unworthiness we have about ourselves, and heal these by learning better self-love.

Blessings of love on your journey of forgiveness ♥