25 December 2011

ANGER ~ THE GREATEST FEAR

A rather controversial subject that people generally don't want to face... We have been so conditioned to lay blame for everything at other's feet that it is difficult to get past this crutch and reach a state of self-responsibility.  It may seem glum at first, but the benefits far outweigh the little challenges we have to face on this path.

The eye only sees as far as the mind allows.... This is for those who are ready to move on and grow... ready to discover true inner peace and happiness.

"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry."
~ Sir Winston Churchill

"Speak when you are angry ~ and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
~ Dr Laurence J. Peters



"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;  you are the one who gets burnt."
~ Buddha

Why do we become angry?

Somebody may not be doing or saying what we would like them to do or say.  We may not like what they are saying.  It basically boils down to us not getting our way.   Much like spoilt children that want something in a shop and turn blue with anger;  throw themselves on the floor and scream blue murder because they are not getting what they want.  The only difference is that we use ugly words instead of screaming, and we lash out in violence rather than throwing ourselves on the floor.   We are bigger now and stronger...

In losing our tempers we have made a judgement:  "I expect this or that to be done in this or that manner so that I can be happy.  Any other way will cause my displeasure and is thus unacceptable.  IF another person doesn't react the way that I expect them to, I shall become angry, and in this way try to manipulate them into submission."  What most people don't realise is that in thinking and reacting in this manner, they are giving their power away.   They are allowing other people to dictate their emotional state of well being.  They are allowing other's to control them.

"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations."
~ Elliot Larson

Now when we feel that we are not getting our way, we become angry.... Where does this anger really stem from?  Why are we affected in this manner when we don't get our way?

"The angry people are those people who are most afraid."
~ Dr Robert Anthony

Picture this scenario:  You are my boss, and you rely on me to produce work of a good quality so that your business can run smoothly and be successful.  This way you can make enough money to feed your family, pay the rent or mortgage, and cover all your expenses.  Go on holiday, etc.   Therefore you depend on my good work.  It effects the amount of money you make, or don't make.

If my work is not of a high standard, you may lose money;  your business may lose it's good reputation;  you may have to do the work over again (if there is a way to correct it);  you may be running on a deadline.  There are many more reasons that you are dependent on me.  Take a look at the key word 'lose'.  What feeling surfaces when we think of a loss of anything... Fear.  The fear of not having something that we may need or want;  the fear of being less by having less;  the fear of being judged as a failure (not only by other's, but by ourselves);  the fear of not pleasing those close to us.

We have been so conditioned since we were children, to do what other's want us to do, out of fear of getting into trouble.   Fear of having to face someone else's anger.  We are told not to do certain things that may prove dangerous for us, or other's.  We are taught to fear God's wrath if we sin;  to fear being sent to a burning hell if we don't obey.  Our lives are consumed by fear.

Our reaction to this fear is to try to control our circumstances, by becoming angry and manipulating those around us into doing what we want them to do so that we don't have to experience this fear.  This stress and worry.  Which is imagined.   See my post on fear.  Fear is too large a subject to cover in one post and is the root of all negative emotion.

Another scenario:  I tell you that you are stupid.  You become angry and start swearing and shouting at me.  What are you really thinking?  "What a cheek, how can she say I'm stupid!  Who gives her the right to judge me!!  Who does she think she is?  Does she think that she is superior to me?  (Making me inferior).  On a deeper level my judgement of you is causing you to wonder at the truth of this statement, and therefore to judge yourself.  You may ask yourself what you have done to seem stupid in my eyes.  Therein already lies a seed of doubt about yourself, a judgement.

The anger says:  "She is not thinking of me as I would like her to perceive me.  I want to be in control of what she thinks of me.  I don't want her to think I'm stupid."  Once again there is the condition:  If someone does not perceive me as I want them to, I will become angry as a form of manipulation, to try to control what they think of me.  My emotional state of well-being therefore depends on what people think of me... they have control of me.   My fear has weakened me and given my power away.

"He who angers you, conquers you."
~ Elizabeth Kenny

"When there is anger, there is always pain underneath."
~ Eckhart Tolle

"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools."  
~ Albert Einstein

"At the core of all anger is a need not being fulfilled."
~ Marshall B. Rosenberg

"Anger is a killing thing:  it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him."
~ Louis L'Armour

Yes, we all get angry... some more than other's.   That doesn't mean that we have to accept this weakness.  We can start today to become aware of it and take baby steps to beat this greatest of all fears, and take back control of our own lives.

A most important concept to remember is this:  There are basically two states of emotion... Love and Fear.  When you are in a state of love, you are in a state of abundance.  This state of abundance is not a money thing, but means that you feel that there is more than enough love and good around you, and within you.  That you have no reason to fear anything at all!   When you truly believe this, your reality changes to suit your beliefs, and you become more and more abundant.

My articles are intertwined, as all our issues in life are.  Please read my other posts for more clarity.  Especially beneficial to this post is http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/08/fear.html and http://lifematters4u.blogspot.com/2011/10/why-do-i-have-violent-events-in-my-life.html

Love, light and abundance ♥